Donate

Are we really going to do this? Elena Kagan just walked in, hugged and kissed some ladies (?!) and some men (?!) and now Patrick Leahy is introducing everybody and explaining what's happening. What is happening? Well, Senator Byrd died! Everybody's so sad. Everybody's so sad that it's going to beimpossible to really pay attention to this bullshit confirmation process.


12:32 PM -- Did you know Robert Byrd could recite the Constitution? He could look at it, put it back in his pocket or wherever it goes (the Smithsonian?), and then just cold read it back to you, from his mind. All except the Thirteenth Amendment. Never could remember that one.

12:35 PM -- Kagan clerked for Thurgood Marshall. Is that really so great, Pat? Didn't Thurgood Marshall say something bad about the Original Constitution, just because it allowed blacks to be kept as property?

12:37 PM -- Leahy sure likes to talk about the histories and the civil rights. Did he learn nothing from The Joker?

12:44 PM -- And here's gay Jeff Sessions lisping through his opening "serious concerns" nonsense.

12:45 PM -- Oh my goodness, this lady worked with Justice Ginsburg, too? Well that is Soviet.

12:46 PM -- She voted against a gun right??!?! Well, luckily she will just replace one of the four in "5-4."

12:48 PM -- Why is Elena Kagan against the American Revolution and its political pamphlet in the voting booth of Independence, Glenn Beck's Common Sense.

12:49 PM -- The real question is this: Can Kagan's eyebrows rise, Belushi-like, until they literally climb right off her head?

12:52 PM -- Oh look, Jack Stuef is apparently alive:

Jack S.

kagan looks hawt

Jack S.

"oh, i just rolled out of bed and into a pile of makeup, hi guys"

Ken L.

yeah i gotta get me one of those purple spacesuits

Ken L.

she needs the buzz lightyear helmet to finish off that outfit.

12:53 PM -- Jeff Sessions is finished now, and can go back to his vanilla sperm shake.

12:54 PM -- Haha Chris Matthews just listed all the crimes Elena Kagan has committed against America, according to Sessions: She's an anti-military communist pro-negro academic.

12:59 PM -- What we need now is for Code Pink to burst in, pushing Robert Byrd's corpse in a flag-draped wheelchair.

1:05 PM -- And that's it? Lunchtime? Snack hour? Recess? Nap time?

1:12 PM -- Will the Republicans filibuster? If so, says Dick Durbin, this proves forever that the Senate is a dead thing, as is America -- a nation so crippled by stupidity and failure that it can't even fill vacancies on its high court. (We paraphrase.)

1:18 PM -- A filibuster would be a first for a Supreme Court confirmation. Come on, America, let's do it!

1:25 PM -- Fourth hearing in five years! It's like the World Series of boredom.

1:25 PM -- Women! How far they've come. But why so liberal?

1:26 PM -- Feingold just wants everyone to know women are the only people actually making it through high school now, so every lawyer/judge/professor/doctor/smarty jones will be a woman by about 2013. Have you seen boys lately? Fat dumb sacks of shit can't spell their own name, which is why their tattoos are all characters from Wii games or Oakland Raiders logos.

1:38 PM -- And .... cut off again. Also, CSPAN? Why isn't this on CSPAN? We've got CSPAN 1 and CSPAN 2 here in the Wonkette Offices. We've got the entire DirecTV news package, even Fox Business, and there's no continuous live feed of the goddamned Supreme Court confirmation hearings? There's a June 17 meeting from Longworth on the CSPAN Senate channel. What the hell, people?

1:44 PM -- It's Snarlin' Arlen, "D-Pennsylvania." Can you imagine sitting in this room all day? At least it's air conditioned.

1:53 PM -- Whoa who is this COMMUNIST who says "it's okay to be liberal, it's okay to be conservative. This is America." OH IS IT? IS IT REALLY, Lindsey?

2:22 PM -- Yeah and so much for that. Fox News is the only cable channel currently showing this snore party. Now Durbin's trying to make jokes about her comment about the Federalist Society, and she just sits there as stone-faced as when Sessions was calling her Mao-Hitler-Stalin.

2:31 PM -- Somebody want to sneak in a question about lesbianism? Here's your in: "Supreme Court rules against Christian group that bars gays." That just happened!

2:33 PM -- "Chief Justice John Roberts and Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito dissented."

$
Donate with CC

Poor People Are Mad As Hell, And They're Not Going to Take It Anymore.

The Poor People's Campaign marched on Washington, and we were there!

Culture Wars
by Dominic Gwinn

Yesterday the new Poor People's Campaign, led by Rev. William Barber and Rev. Dr. Liz Theoharis, concluded 40 days of protest and civil disobedience with a rally on the National Mall. Building off of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr's original Poor People's Campaign 50 years ago, the new campaign is aimed at uniting labor leaders with activists to build a coalition of all marginalized people

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

The police have clearly failed to stop the scourge of black kids selling water to thirsty people, so your average law-abiding, permit-respecting white lady has no choice but to take matters into her own (did we mention they were white?) hands. You might call her a busybody gone power mad or a simple tool of racist micoaggression, but we just call her "Permit Patty."

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc