Liveblogging The Montana Massacre!

John McCain finished hisangry old-man rant, Hillary finished her "I have made no decisions" speech, folks talked about some stuff in the middle, and now it's time for Barack Obama, the Hopeful Boy Unicorn, to bring it home. Of course the Decemberists opened for him here in St. Paul, so we can assume the big crowd is for them. Still, let's have a listen!

10:00 PM -- Barack Obama wins Montana. Hannah Montana, that is. Is Tom Brokaw crying again? Maybe he just has a head cold. "The two of them, I must say, look very fit," he says, regarding Obama and Clinton. Then he talks about idiot things they both just said in South Dakota.

10:05 PM -- Chris Matthews cannot believe that anyone with half a brain would think the "Dream Ticket" would be all that dreamy. Russert concurs. Bill Clinton, after all, is a huge liability. Remember how like six months ago he seemed like Hillary's secret weapon? Yeah, good times.

10:07 PM -- Michelle Obama in an awesome purple dress. And pearls. And a fist bump! Barack has on his patriotic flag pin, for America.

10:10 PM -- He thanks the wife & kidz. And staff, volunteers, David Plouffe, his racist white grandmother. "Tonight is for her."

10:13 PM -- "Our primary season has finally come to an end." THANK FUCKING CHRIST. "Millions of voices have been heard," except for the Clinton voters', because they demand Respect for being invisible. He is not going to be able to get through this speech very quickly, with all the applause, and the ejaculations.

10:15 PM -- Newell: "what a pathetic little crowd compared to mccain's masses."

10:16 PM -- "CH NGE," says a sign in the crowd. Now Obama will finally seize the opportunity to thank Joe Biden for his service to America. Massive applause and cheers for Hillary Clinton, for finally getting out of the race. Layne: "She has done what no woman has done before ... lose to a black man."

10:19 PM -- Hey wait did he just flip on universal health care? Oh whatever. The point is, Hillary Clinton will be very useful when she is back doing first lady type things. She has made him a better candidate. He seems to actually believe this, which he should, as it is true.

10:21 PM -- Cue up the Unity message. He finally cracks a smile. OK bring the Hope, Hopey! Oh noes here come the Republicans, with their angry old man who denies Obama's accomplishments. BURNNNNN.

10:24 PM -- Bush = McCain. Now he is Stern, and maybe a little Mad. "There are many words to describe the shittiness of John McCain, but 'change' is not one of them."

10:27 PM -- "That's what change is," x3. Yay science and innovation! The audience is delirious with excitement for science and innovation. Now they are delirious at the SUPERBURN that John McCain knows what's going on in Iraq but not on Main Street or wherever.

10:30 PM -- Oh poor John McCain. Why did you give a speech on the teevee tonight? You needed the Decemberists to open for you, in Louisiana.

10:32 PM -- He warns against "the other side" coming to St. Paul in September and trying to romance the Minnesotans with their war and their fear. Don't give in, Minnesota! Patriotism will no longer be used as a bludgeon, which is great for Patriotism.

10:34 PM -- He has united the po-pos with the civil rights workers, which is no small thing. "Americans ... are a decent, generous, compassionate people." That is why they like to vote for warmongers.

10:36 PM -- You remember world history, right? And Antietam, and Selma? Well this is History too. This was the moment when the Red Seas parted, and the oceans fell back, and America was not regarded as total douchesacks by the rest of the world.

11:01 PM -- And now there is another liveblog here.


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