Liveblogging The Ohio Massacre, Part Two
And which president from Ohio is pictured here? Why, it's William McKinley. He was assassinated, possibly because the "Wonkette of the Era," Hearst columnist Ambrose Bierce, wrote a funny poem for Cosmopolitan that possibly secretly suggested that a maniac should kill the president. Anyway, Hillary and Barack are still debating things! Let's continue the liveblogging.
9:30 PM -- As commenter SquiqqyFM notes, all the presidents from Ohio were Losers.
9:30 PM -- Also, your associate editor Jim Newell is magic if he got any jokes out of that first long boring dull-ass not-funny half hour. Let's hope it gets better. Let's DRINK.
9:30 PM -- And we're live. At least on this end. Not in Ohio.
9:31 PM -- Russert asks Hillary about being "a little too exuberant." Thank god that's not a problem tonight.
9:32 PM -- Based on this debate, so far, we can gladly endorse Ron Paul for the Democratic nominee.
9:32 PM -- Did the Oscars(TM) suck this hard?
9:32 PM -- We must ask the difficult question: Did Hillary Clinton eat John McCain's head? What else explains the sudden prominence of her chipmunk cheeks?
9:34 PM -- Ha ha, Hillary made a speech about how Barack Obama is just like George W. Bush.
9:34 PM -- Ha ha ha more, John McCain has "vast" experience in foreign policy, in that he has been a tool of lobbyists from here to the Middle East.
9:35 PM -- $12 billion a month x 100 years = Who fucking cares, we'll all be dead then, anyway.
9:35 PM -- Attacking sovereign nations, blowing up our allies, blah blah, whatever.
9:36 PM -- Hillary has been a foreign policy leader for many hundreds of years, due to her cheating president being president in the 1990s.
9:37 PM -- But she will commend Obama for giving a speech, even though "many people gave speeches."
9:38 PM -- Hillary has long advocated a much tougher approach to Pakistan, but is so angry that Barack Obama would meet with the worst dictators, such as Musharraf, when she wants to bomb them, but he says he would bomb them. Wait, what?
9:39 PM -- Barry notes that he was against the war when he was running for Senate. So it mattered or something, and now we have driven the bus into the ditch.
9:40 PM -- Is Hillary ready to drive the bus into the ditch?
9:44 PM -- Russert: "If Iraq goes to Hell." Hey, that's racist!
9:46 PM -- And high-five to our video pal Ian Schwartz who is rocking the Tivo for us tonight. Please let us know if we missed something that really needs to be clipped and posted and then destroyed by fire.
9:48 PM -- Brian Williams: "Will you shut up, Hillary? We have to have like one commercial break every hour or so, unless you want to socialize our teevee, too."
9:48 PM -- Commercial break! Bathroom break! Booze break! BBQ break!
9:52 PM -- Everybody's back from the toilet. The crowd is cheering for some reason!
9:53 PM -- Hillary did a speech that was kind of funny, saying Barack is full of shit with the change and the hope and the sky opeing.
9:53 PM -- And Hillary joyfully responds with the seal laugh. Oh god strike us all dead now ....
9:55 PM -- Barack met women at a table just like this one, which sort of looks like the table shaped like Texas, at the HOOTERS in Austin, where our Sara K. Smith got drunk with a HOOTERS waitress after the Austin debate last week. IT IS ALL CONNECTED.
9:57 PM -- Hillary is talking about the student loans for the special interests again. It is probably a good cause? But is it CHANGE, or what she hears while reciting a bunch of Ohio city names we could also name, from memory?
9:58 PM -- Yow, does Barack Obama love the special interests of Dick Cheney more than you, the poor starving American with no life?
9:58 PM -- Finally, Brian Williams got his video people to get it together and play the right clip! This is one of the few instances when we will note that Wonkette is running a better multimedia operation than MSNBC.
9:59 PM -- Barack wants you to know that he doesn't look down on Hillary just because she was some dude's wife when that dude was president, because the dude was schtupping a fat gal in the Oval Office.
10:00 PM -- New Liveblog Thread, starting now!