Liveblogging The Pre-Debate Bumfest

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Oh crap they're showing this on every channel, aren't they? So that meansThe Office won't be on tonight? Goddamnit. We were just going to watch that and make up stuff for the debate liveblogging. Now we will watch the debate and still just make up stuff for the debate liveblogging. Go blogs! Let's see what the CNN is saying, before the debate.


8:38 -- Who is this silver-haired mortician playing with John King's huge touch-teevee iPod thing? Maybe he is John King's brother, "Martin Luther." Ha ha ha, ho ho ho. We rarely watch CNN.

8:42 -- Oh, commercial, sweet.

8:44 -- God they have nothing to say. The host (Malveaux? Brown?) asks the panel "what each candidate has to do." Really? We're still asking that one? Well, here's our take: Sarah Palin has to show up and breathe. It's hard!

8:46 -- Jeffrey Toobin is so mean, because he says Sarah Palin has to prove that she can speak in complete sentences. Jeffrey Toobin, of course, writes about the effete subject of "law" -- you know, playa hatin' -- for the New Yorker magazine, which is in the tank for Obama. Meaning they endorsed him. From the tank.

8:48 -- Roland Martin: in the tank.

8:50 -- David Gergen says something new: "Sarah Palin has to show she is competent." Does anyone else want to say this? Did we miss anyone? We're pretty sure every human on Earth has said that exact sentence already, but we want to be sure.

8:51 -- Donna Brazile defends Gwen Ifill very strongly, calling the criticism of her Obama book an "insult." Huh, "surprising." Obviously there was an awkward silence among the panel after she said that, until John King finally shouts, "you know, I've always kept a healthy stable of black friends. Wonderful people!"

8:53 -- Malveaux is, where else, Columbus, Ohio, doing the weird sci-fi pulse test of "average voters." Malveaux was also in Columbus, Ohio doing the same thing for the last debate. Neither of the debates have been in Ohio.

8:55 -- Oh wait that was Soledad O'Brien, not Suzanne Malveaux, so we're racist. Then again who cares who's running the Ohio Robot Exploitathon Chamber of Elections? Also, women all suck.

8:57 -- HA HA HA, when Wolf Blitzer was talking about the voter reaction chamber, the reactions among women in the Columbus Death Chamber fell sharply. The other panelists pointed this out to Wolf and he actually said, "I guess they hate me." Aww, beardy. It's not women! It's everyone.

8:58 -- Roland Martin tells everyone to avoid the small, petty, personality difference and focus on THE ISSUES. Ha ha, he has no idea what has been going on in this election. Malveaux/Brown calls him a fat idiot.

8:59 -- Wolf: "uh uh uhh here we are at the uhh college, uhhh, women hate me, uh, vice president, uh ready to, uh, practice for the, uh, inquisition, uh questions, uh, uh uh, Ifill, uh, where are my pills, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh." [Flatlines on live teevee]

9:00 -- YAY my shift is over! Your "real" editor, Ken Layne, will be starting a new thread now. Oh boy. Later! GO HERE.

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