Liveblogging The Triumphant Return of John McCain

Republicans both man and beast love McCainMcCain is talking to the CPAC! Will he be booed offstage? How many times will Walnuts say "my friends" to this assemblage of enemies? Let's see!

3:23: They are going to kill him with thanks.

3:24: I didn't mean to tell you people to go fuck yourselves last year, it was just that I was trying to look like a loser...

3:25: I sat down with Governor Romney and told him to fuck himself.

3:26: So conciliatory...he is clearly just reading from the teleprompter.

3:28: Ronald Reagan! DRINK!!

3:29: And again. And again.

3:31: He has genuine convictions. The proof is that he is constantly taking loser positions in various important primary states. He campaigned in Iowa against farmers, and in Florida against old people!

3:32: Wild applause for his (new) tax policies. Also, he will execute the counterinsurgency.

3:34: Holy crap they are booing! He is grinning and they are booing about immigration. Now hooting.

3:35: "Secure the borders," blah blah blah. But will he deport everyone?

3:38: Remember how Bill Clinton was totally responsible for 9/11? The next "Democrat president" will probably be responsible for something similar.

3:39: My friends, I hate the earmarks and I love the line item veto! Taxcutstaxcuts. Wild applause again. Didn't he already talk about this stuff? IS THIS THE ONSET OF SENILE DEMENTIA?

3:42: Now he is getting exercised about dire calamities and arbitrary deadlines.

3:44: He appreciates the awfulness of war. Annnnd...cue chanting! JAMMAKAIN! JAMMAKAIN!

3:47: I have not hesitated to respectfully tell you people to go fuck yourselves, and I will continue to do that in the future, even after I have sought your counsel.

3:48: He fears the nibbling away of liberty. Also, have you heard he is a maverick? That means he is imperfect and makes mistakes, but his balls they are made of brass. Thank you and God bless!


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