Liveblogging the Vidiots: CNN-YouTube Part II
We're nearly 20 minutes into this thing and they've used what, four YouTube questions? And so far each one has been sadder than the rest ... oh, Dennis just got the black vote. Ha ha, not really. Anyway, let's continue with the liveblogging and try not to kill ourselves in the process, with this gun we keep right here for such situations.
7:17 -- Hey Obama why are you always plotting against real black people?
7:18 -- Blah blah, Chris Dodd. We heard, earlier today, that he's dropping out. Is this true?
7:20 -- They tried to cut Bill Richardson's mic, too! They are against Mexicans and guys with white hair who drop rocks in ponds.
7:21 -- Ha ha, Obama is really black because cabs won't pick him up at night. Like he takes cabs ....
7:23 -- Unlike Bush, who did not solve slavery, Obama will solve it.
7:24 -- Hillary will not let being a woman get in the way of her being president.
7:24 -- Bill has an "ethnicity."
7:25 -- What's that, three questions from black guys so far?
7:25 -- John Edwards won't answer the question, but wants you to not vote for Hillary and Obama but not because she's a gal and he's a black.
7:27 -- No, you lesbians can't have marriage. Not yours.
7:28 -- Unless Dennis the Kucinich is president!
7:28 -- Welcome to America, lesbians!
7:29 -- Chris Dodd's daughters ... are they lesbians?
7:30 -- What did Reverend Longbriar ask? Dude was too raspy. WE COULD NOT HEAR.
7:31 -- John Edwards still creeped out by the gays, while his wife is still a fag hag.
7:32 -- Oh hi Rev. Raspy. What a coincidence that you are here.
7:33 -- JOHN EDWARDS ARE YOU HIDING BEHIND JESUS TO HURT GAY WEDDINGS?
7:34 -- Black men marrying white women -- could it happen?
7:34 -- Why are they talking about gay marriage? And slavery reparations? Are these really the pressing issues for America? We are, I think, talking about the same bankrupt broken war-losing job-not-having illiterate obese sickly diabetic moronic 20-million-illegal-immigrant-having $1.40-per-Euro country that's plummeting to the bottom of every social and economic indicator of the developed world.
7:38 -- Oh, a musical clip ... what the fuck was that supposed to be? I'm going to jump out of my first floor window.
7:40 -- Bill Richardson: "I was at that Darfur camp. Top that, bitches. Anybody? Anybody at all?"
7:41 -- Joe Biden -- "I've been to that camp, actually."
7:42 -- Ha ha, the Darfur people thought Joe Biden dropping by meant America was going to save them. America's far too busy killing everyone in Iraq for that, dummies!
7:42 -- Here's old "New World Order" Gravel. Good job being mean to the old man, Anderson.
7:43 -- Well, golf clap for Hillary for mentioning that we sort of already have all our army men sort of stuck in other countries where they're being systematically blown up.
7:45 -- I would punch this guy talking about Iraq, and so would you. STOP REPEATING YOURSELF FUCKWIT.
7:46 -- Hey troops, hot with all that gear? Obama says take it off!
7:47 -- The wacky thing? Cheney wanted to partition the country, too. That was his plan all along.
7:48 -- Democrats won in November, yet they've curiously done nothing about Iraq. Why such pussies? (Note: That was the only coherent/worthwhile question so far.)
7:49 -- Hillary: "The Pentagon told me to shut my liberal mouth."
7:50 -- Dennis will answer the Mother of that troop.
7:51 -- Ha ha, Dennis didn't get a chance to pimp his stupid TXT 4 PEACE service.
7:51 -- Wait, Dodd wants Iraq to "form an Asian state"? What does that mean?
7:51 -- "No one listens to us," says Dodd. By "us," he means "my campaign."
7:52 -- YOU FUCKING IDIOT HICK YOU HAVE GOOGLE ON YOUR COMPUTER RIGHT THERE YOU DUMB FUCKING HICK. Jesus. Take two seconds. Search for what Mike Gravel said. Then, search for how many people were in Vietnam.
7:53 -- Is Mike Gravel going to buy us an ice cream cone from Baskin Robbins? Was that product placement?
7:54 -- Speaking of Baskin Robbins, I remember a great America when the Baskin Robbins girls were all impossibly hot teen-aged cheerleader types with ponytails and such. Went to a Baskin Robbins for the first time in maybe 15 years the other night, and the Baskin Robbins "girl" was obese, about 40 years old, and didn't speak English. WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR COUNTRY?
7:55 -- John Edwards wants to kill George W. Bush with fire, maybe a blow torch? Okay, that's a platform.
7:56 -- Too much Chris Dodd. Sorry, DoddPodd.
7:58 -- Oh great, that's the way to fire up the Democrat base: Threaten to kill their daughters in Iraq, too.
7:59 -- John Edwards: "A woman can get blowed up as good as a man, but not a gay man."
8:00 -- Mike Gravel's answer to the drafting of women: "What's the difference, they're all gonna get blowed up."
8:00 -- "The Arab states, the Muslim nations ..." Oh man where is this guy going with this? Oh, Hill can't be prez cuz Arabs no like the ladies. Because we haven't had like nine women secretaries of state in a row ... Good work, army man.
8:01 -- Is this YouTube guy trying out for the History Channel announcement? I missed whatever he asked, because he sounds like a cable-channel commercial.
8:02 --They should just play Warren Zevon's "The Envoy" over this whole segment. And kill John Edwards.
8:04 -- Jesus, who back in 1999 would've thought the presidential candidates in 2007 would be talking about how, maybe, America can somehow eventually have some respect in the world?
8:08 -- Biden on the Vietnam-esque escape from the Green Zone is pretty horrifying. Mission Accomplished!
8:09 -- Too bad Cheney's going to nuke San Francisco next October and declare martial law and we'll be in Iraq for a thousand years, ha ha ha.
8:10 -- Yay, Dennis finally plugged his stupid TXT 4 PEECE.
8:11 -- Oh man, we had brief hope that Gravel was going to use his rock-in-the-pond video.
8:12 -- Commercial! Will we have enough time to kill ourselves?
8:15 -- So Bill's video is one of those job-application things. Not so good, this time.
8:15 -- What the hell, was that a video of a TALKING CAT OMFG WTF?
8:16 -- Obama's favorite "teacher" was his coke dealer.
8:17 -- We don't care about your favorite fucking teachers. WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
8:17-- Hey, did you hear? John Edwards' daddy worked in a mill. Didn't know that!
8:18 -- Hang on, I'm going to go find Randy McGrirr or whoever just did that bullshit rap-metal video. And I'm going to kill him with my hands.
8:18 -- Hooray for Richardson and getting rid of this bullshit "no child left behind" thing which is just one more stupid federal program that makes millions for Neil Bush's stupid edumacation software company while making U.S. kids stupider.
8:19 -- That was actually a substantive question, about the No Child Behind thing. Too bad it was in the form of an IDIOT METALHEAD VIDEO.
8:20 -- A lesson for you regular Americans: If you're rich enough you can live somewhere that has a decent public school.
8:22 -- Biden, dude, bummer .... Way to bum everybody out. We were talking about school, not how your wife and daughters tragically died. (Jesus, that's awful.)
8:23 -- And now John Edwards is going to bum us out about his dead kid. This debate has gone from stupid to banal back to stupid again and finally to pointlessly tragic.
8:24 -- Okay, so they'll all otherwise avoid the question from the abortionists -- "Do you talk to your kids about having sex" -- by acting like it was really a question about kids getting fucked by priests.
8:26 -- Oh, mountain hicks. How cute.
8:26 -- And now, a talking ice cream cone.
8:26 -- Would anyone really care if Air Force One crashed into Mitt Romney and John McCain's campaign buses and the whole fireball landed on the Citadel in South Carolina, leaving no survivors?