Liveblogging the West Coast Ladies Night & Good-Bye To Jim Gibbons
Polls are closedeverywhere! We see the light at the end of the tunnel. (It is called "tomorrow morning.") But we've already got some very happy news to report: Pig-eyed drunken would-be rapist and serial crook Jim Gibbons has lost the governorship of Nevada! Not that anyone will really notice; he never actually showed up for work, in Nevada. Too busy knocking down cocktail waitresses and getting divorced and "buying tomatoes" while those annoying voters asked him to cut taxes and send their welfare checks. Good-bye Jim! Hope you have a heart attack on the toilet soon!
8:35 PM -- We are switching to Pacific Time Zone timestamps, because we can and we should. Then it doesn't feel so terribly late, too. We feel awake and alive, like Mickey Kaus! How is Mickey Kaus doing? We almost missed his name on the ballot today because he has some other secret name, "Mortimer," we think. And that's why we forgot to vote for Mortimer Kaus.
8:47 PM -- Tea Party loony Sharron Angle will end many things, now that she's sort of beating chicken-lover Sue Lowden in the Nevada GOP Senate primary. Sharron hates beer and social security! She will get rid of both of these poisons! And she's winning! And she will beat that Yoga-loving Mormon fruit Harry Reid, we bet! (Ha ha she is an actual nutcase, Harry must be dancing in his yoga pants tonight.)
8:52 PM -- With 5.5% of precincts reporting, our pal Jerry Brown has 88% of the Dem primary for governor vote. He might just win!
8:53 PM -- WAIT WHAT somebody on some teevee channel just said "Jim Gibbons could appoint himself U.S. Senator," wtf? Well governors can appoint senators, if .... ugh we are Not Prepared for this, not now, must get a beverage.
8:57 PM -- Meg Whitman's $81 million dollars just officially bought her the GOP nomination for governor, according to the AP, which called it for Meg with about 5.5% reporting.
8:59 PM -- And now she can run in the general against an actual ex-governor of California, and they can both viciously compete for a job nobody in their right mind would actually want to take, let alone spend EIGHTY-ONE MILLION DOLLARS just for the awful chance to run for the office.
9:06 PM -- It's official for both Meg Whitman and Carly Fiorina! It's the Year of the Womens!
9:17 PM -- Ugh, and what a wonderful night for your editor's last remaining full-sized notebook computer to begin its final death throes. We bought this computer to edit "SPLOID" back in 2005!
9:22 PM -- Jesus fucking christ blocks of text are appearing and disappearing, posts re-saving with everything gone or everything doubled. We are now working on an old MacBook, the one we bought to "guest edit" Wonkette for a few months, back in the summer of 2006. We cannot let our hands rest on this MacBook because otherwise it shorts out.
9:26 PM -- Meg looks so happy doing her victory speech! In a bankrupt state with 13% unemployment and a "real" unemployment rate of 20%, where teachers are being fired in every district and half the mortgages are underwater, Meg is truly an inspiration to all of us, the way she dug $81 million dollars out from under her couch cushions to buy the GOP primary. Today we are all Meg Whitman.
9:36 PM -- MUST SEE TEEVEE: What the hell is Wolf Blitzer doing at Larry King's dumb desk/Lite-Brite teevee set with the prop microphone? "Very special Larry King Live," Wolf mumbles, looking lost. He got lost, didn't he? He got lost walking around that set with all the tables full of assholes on laptops, and just sat down at Larry King's desk to rest, and next thing you know it's a very special episode.
9:39 PM -- Did you know your Wonkette is a-twittering on the Twitter tonight? It's a sad state of affairs when Twitter is being more reliable than your own computers and blog server.
9:43 PM -- Orly, our Orly, why hath thou forsaken us?
9:45 PM -- Orly Taitz has 25% of the GOP primary vote for Secretary of State right now. It would be so awesome if she had to authorize all the elections and election booklets and whatever, just cold throwin' people out, denying birth certificates, fixin' teeth, makin' laws.
9:50 PM -- The best possible Instant Analysis by some doofus on the cable news when asked for an opinion on the victory of one woman (Sharron Angle) over another woman (Sue Lowden) is to call it "the year of the woman." Well played, whatever guy said that on Hardball, well played indeed.
10:00 PM -- We are sorry the comments closed for a while on this post. #nofreakingideawhy
10:01 PM -- How many times will the special Chris Matthews Tea Party Scary Teabagger Documentary promo air on MSNBC? And why is the gushing oil well on the very special election night Larry King Show? We will answer these questions and many others, soon, after we take a break to walk around in the cool night air and curse under our breath at everything, especially the broken computers.
10:33 PM -- And now we're on KTLA local news from Los Angeles, an actual Election Special, hooray! We haven't watched a single minute of Local News so we've missed all the exciting campaign commercials this year -- except for the Demon Sheep spots, of course -- so it was very confusing with the ballot today. (We voted NO on all propositions except for the Jungle Boogie Primary proposition. Always vote NO on propositions, until there's a proposition to ban propositions.)
10:36 PM -- And now KTLA is reporting that Larry King's wife OD'd last month. Is this why Wolf Blitzer wandered over to the Larry King Live set, a month later? Anyway, Mrs. Larry King survived so she can divorce Larry King. But what about the peacocks wandering around some area of the South Bay? And the June Gloom! We have missed a lot by not watching LA local news all the time every day.
10:39 PM -- OMG a small child took a hit off a beer at a baseball game. KILL ALL PARENTS WHO SAW THIS. And dig up your editor's dad and arrest HIM, for probably doing this same thing, with a beer and a child, probably, in the 1970s.
10:41 PM -- YES YES YES PROP. 14 PASSES, we will have the Jungle Primary, now you gonna diieieieiee.
10:42 PM -- Ha, look, 60%-40%:
Supporters of the law say it will lead to the election of more moderate legislators. Opponents say the change will make campaigns more expensive and decimate smaller political parties.
California voters passed a similar measure in 1996, only to have it overturned by the U.S. Supreme Court. Voters reaffirmed their support for closed, partisan primaries in 2004.
Well, let's hope John Roberts gets *this* version overturned, to keep California safe for wingnut GOP primary candidates forever.
10:51 PM -- Jerry Brown still has 84%. Gay-marrying fanatic Gavin Newsom is winning the Lt. Gov Democrat primary with 57% over Janice Hahn.
10:54 PM -- Do you know about Jerry Brown? We don't even agree with him on various things, but, well, let's see if there's some "Introductory YouTube" or somesuch, because he smartly just kept quiet and didn't spend any money while the Republicans went all goony on each other:
11:00 PM -- Ha ha, here's an ancient ABC News report on Jerry's first term as governor, back in 1928, the early Seventies.
11:17 PM -- And that's it for the West Coast bureau. Thanks everybody for commenting and sending tips and hanging out and making this bearable. See you tomorrow, unless Demon Sheep eat us all, in the night. MAY GOD BLESS AMERICA.