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Liveblogging VPILF Sarah Palin Greeting America!

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Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we're liveblogging it. She's a pretty girl, so we guess she's qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice.


12:19 PM -- McCain is in a ... high-school auditorium? Cameras won't show anything beyond the floor.

12:19 PM -- McCain looks like he got a skin peel and a suntan, or he's slathered in orange makeup.

12:20 PM -- Now he's getting angry at the small crowd for singing him "Happy Birthday."

12:21 PM -- "Read My Book!"

12:21 PM -- So many empty seats! All the bleachers are empty.

12:21 PM -- Ha ha, he wants to "shake up Washington." Maybe he could remodel his houses there!

12:22 PM -- Now he's promising all his rejected GOP guy buddies various pretend positions in his pretend administration.

12:22 PM -- Soon we'll see how high Sarah Palin stands over lil' John McCain.

12:24 PM -- Tough to see if he's on a podium. Anyway, get it over with, Walnuts! Bring her out. Everybody watching already knows Palin's on the ticket.

12:25 PM -- "She's a standout high-school point guard." Ha ha, he picked a running mate based on high-school basketball skills. Will Sarah and Barack have a shooting debate?

12:25 PM -- "A mother of five." CHEERS! Hell yeah this woman can have a lot of kids!

12:31 PM -- Palin about her husband: "And he's a world-class snowmobile racer!" Jesus, she's at a junior high pep rally.

12:39 PM -- She seems like a super lady, and we have always loved her, but dear god Joe Biden is going to eat her for breakfast.

12:40 PM -- Ha ha, she can't pronounce "heroism."

12:44 PM -- Oh good god, listen to this pandering for Clinton lady voters.

12:45 PM -- Well, there we go. Her job is to tell Hillary voters they need to vote for McCain. Might be a bit too late for all that, after last night. And then there's the whole thing about Hillary being a socialist liberal.

12:47 PM -- Hooray for our GILF! She finally made the sorta big leagues!

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If it's a day, the New York Times is fucking shit up, but today, it fucked up BIGLY.

Fresh-faced access journalists Adam Goldman and Michael Schmidt have just published what we can only describe as a drive-by shooting against Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, which reads as some bullshit planted by the White House to give Donald Trump the pretext for his Saturday Night Massacre, if he wants it. (He does.)

Maybe the White House is tired of talking about the flailing nomination of Judge Maybe Rapey and how Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen are cooperating with special counsel Robert Mueller, and the New York Times was more than happy to help!

Or maybe it was planted by former deputy director of the FBI Andrew McCabe, who was fired by Attorney General Jeff Sessions just hours before his pension was set to kick in, and may have a serious axe to grind with DoJ officials and leaked a copy of his own memos. (His lawyer says that's not true, but he would say that, wouldn't he?)

Or maybe it's both, somehow! Or one of many other things!

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It's not every day Golf Digest gets noticed as a source of hard-hitting investigative journalism, at least outside of reviews of titanium carbon fiber nanotech infinite improbability drivers or some such. But Wednesday, some journamalisming that started with a Golf Digest story about a guy who drew fantastic imaginary golf courses concluded with that guy, Valentino Dixon, walking out of Attica prison, 27 years after he'd been sentenced for 39 years to life. Not bad, Golf Digest. We give you a GOLF CLAP. And a Pulitzer if we had one, which, sadly, we don't.

As Golf Digest says, the twists and turns of the case are a bit complex (they're unraveled in more detail in this New York Times story), but it basically comes down to a local prosecutor who was determined to railroad Dixon for the 1991 murder of a 17-year-old, Torriano Jackson, in Buffalo, New York. The conviction involved

shoddy police work, zero physical evidence linking Dixon, conflicting testimony of unreliable witnesses, the videotaped confession to the crime by another man, a public defender who didn't call a witness at trial, and perjury charges against those who said Dixon didn't do it.

Dixon had a prior conviction for selling cocaine, and he made a convenient target for Erie County prosecutor Chris Belling, who was weirdly determined to ignore even statements from the actual killer, LaMarr Scott, who pleaded guilty to the killing shortly before Dixon's release this week.

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