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Liveblogging VPILF Sarah Palin Greeting America!

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Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we're liveblogging it. She's a pretty girl, so we guess she's qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice.


12:19 PM -- McCain is in a ... high-school auditorium? Cameras won't show anything beyond the floor.

12:19 PM -- McCain looks like he got a skin peel and a suntan, or he's slathered in orange makeup.

12:20 PM -- Now he's getting angry at the small crowd for singing him "Happy Birthday."

12:21 PM -- "Read My Book!"

12:21 PM -- So many empty seats! All the bleachers are empty.

12:21 PM -- Ha ha, he wants to "shake up Washington." Maybe he could remodel his houses there!

12:22 PM -- Now he's promising all his rejected GOP guy buddies various pretend positions in his pretend administration.

12:22 PM -- Soon we'll see how high Sarah Palin stands over lil' John McCain.

12:24 PM -- Tough to see if he's on a podium. Anyway, get it over with, Walnuts! Bring her out. Everybody watching already knows Palin's on the ticket.

12:25 PM -- "She's a standout high-school point guard." Ha ha, he picked a running mate based on high-school basketball skills. Will Sarah and Barack have a shooting debate?

12:25 PM -- "A mother of five." CHEERS! Hell yeah this woman can have a lot of kids!

12:31 PM -- Palin about her husband: "And he's a world-class snowmobile racer!" Jesus, she's at a junior high pep rally.

12:39 PM -- She seems like a super lady, and we have always loved her, but dear god Joe Biden is going to eat her for breakfast.

12:40 PM -- Ha ha, she can't pronounce "heroism."

12:44 PM -- Oh good god, listen to this pandering for Clinton lady voters.

12:45 PM -- Well, there we go. Her job is to tell Hillary voters they need to vote for McCain. Might be a bit too late for all that, after last night. And then there's the whole thing about Hillary being a socialist liberal.

12:47 PM -- Hooray for our GILF! She finally made the sorta big leagues!

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Donald Trump's presidency has made white nationalism fashionable again. It doesn't help matters that social networking giant Facebook has offered white nationalists a global platform for their hate. Back in May, Motherboard obtained internal documents that revealed how Facebook planned to handle white supremacist content on its site after Charlottesville. It was incredibly stupid.

See, Facebook wouldn't let you post praise of white supremacy as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white supremacist. It would allow you to post praise of white nationalism as an ideology or identify yourself as a "proud" white nationalist. All those tech bros and all those hoodies in the same place and they still couldn't muster the collective brain power to understand that white supremacy and white nationalism are synonymous, by which I mean the exact same thing but with a slightly different arrangement of letters.

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Is Brett Kavanaugh's Evil Twin The Real Attempted Rapist? Maaaaaybe!

Another Pulitzer for Kathleen Parker pls!

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Over this past week, we have heard some fascinating excuses for Brett Kavanaugh having allegedly attempted to rape Dr. Christine Blasey Ford when he was in high school. Hey, he didn't rape us, said some ladies who knew him. It could have just been horseplay, said his spokesperson Carrie Severino! He wasn't even there, said Orrin Hatch! It totally doesn't matter anyway because he has done enough good in his lifetime that he should get to sexually assault like, one lady, said Dennis Prager! Maybe it was a false memory and she hallucinated the whole thing, said the Dilbert guy!

So many possible options. But something was missing. We didn't know it, but we felt it in our bones. And then, today, Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Kathleen Parker dropped it in the Washington Post. What if it wasn't Brett Kavanaugh, she tells us all, very seriously, but rather his evil twin. Or someone who just looked a whole lot like him. Perhaps even this "Bart O'Kavanaugh" we have been hearing so much about.

Let's hear her out!

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