Liveblogging VPILF Sarah Palin Greeting America!

News

August 29, 2008 12:32 PM

Yikes, the entire world is trying to read about Sarah Palin on Wonkette right now! So crazy. Anyway, our Alaskan GILF is now on stage and we're liveblogging it. She's a pretty girl, so we guess she's qualified to be president! But good lord we did not realize she had such a squeaky voice.

12:19 PM -- McCain is in a ... high-school auditorium? Cameras won't show anything beyond the floor.

12:19 PM -- McCain looks like he got a skin peel and a suntan, or he's slathered in orange makeup.

12:20 PM -- Now he's getting angry at the small crowd for singing him "Happy Birthday."

12:21 PM -- "Read My Book!"

12:21 PM -- So many empty seats! All the bleachers are empty.

12:21 PM -- Ha ha, he wants to "shake up Washington." Maybe he could remodel his houses there!

12:22 PM -- Now he's promising all his rejected GOP guy buddies various pretend positions in his pretend administration.

12:22 PM -- Soon we'll see how high Sarah Palin stands over lil' John McCain.

12:24 PM -- Tough to see if he's on a podium. Anyway, get it over with, Walnuts! Bring her out. Everybody watching already knows Palin's on the ticket.

12:25 PM -- "She's a standout high-school point guard." Ha ha, he picked a running mate based on high-school basketball skills. Will Sarah and Barack have a shooting debate?

12:25 PM -- "A mother of five." CHEERS! Hell yeah this woman can have a lot of kids!

12:31 PM -- Palin about her husband: "And he's a world-class snowmobile racer!" Jesus, she's at a junior high pep rally.

12:39 PM -- She seems like a super lady, and we have always loved her, but dear god Joe Biden is going to eat her for breakfast.

12:40 PM -- Ha ha, she can't pronounce "heroism."

12:44 PM -- Oh good god, listen to this pandering for Clinton lady voters.

12:45 PM -- Well, there we go. Her job is to tell Hillary voters they need to vote for McCain. Might be a bit too late for all that, after last night. And then there's the whole thing about Hillary being a socialist liberal.

12:47 PM -- Hooray for our GILF! She finally made the sorta big leagues!

Ken Layne

Some Thoughts On The Things We Haven't Read, But Know About Anyway

Culture, Bugs Bunny, and the impossibility of keeping up. Also some cats.

Nice Time

'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Alms For The Roger Stone? Alms For The Roger Stone?

Roger Stone would like some money, please.

Class War

Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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