Liveblogging Walnuts vs. the Punk, Part III
And now we fight into the third and final round of this hellish battle between the Black Knight and the jabbering old goon. Not very exciting, is it? Is the idea to keep Barry from offending anyone? Well, mission accomplished. Let's get some bloodshed! Red meat! Eh, no, it's a debate. Always boring, terrible, and oh lord of allah there is another half hour of this, let's go. (Here is thePre-Game and Part I and Part II.)
10:00 PM -- Uh, we've just been sort of ignoring McCain talking about Lebanon, Somalia, Gulf War, whatever, he has seen the map, etc., he has a record.
10:00 PM -- John McCain has always sent young men and women into harm's way. McCain loves to kill kids. It's about Honor!
10:00 PM -- Oh the CNN live-graph deal looks good for the Republicans who like McCain saying this. Cry, old man, cry.
10:00 PM -- Ha ha, Barack Obama has a bracelet from a soldier, too. But the GOAL was different.
10:02 PM -- "You don't 'muddle through' Afghanistan," says Barack. McCain responds: "I've been there!" Well, that settles it.
10:02 PM -- Your editor Jim Newell has just finished his last deal, and it is here.
10:03 PM -- OMG finally McCain gets to talk about his latest wet dream, nuking Iran!!!
10:04 PM -- Whoops, out of wine! Hang on, buddies, got to be worked on.
10:06 PM -- Barack Obama also hates Iran. Yay.
10:06 PM -- But yoinkz, it is the fault of the Bush/McCain occupation of Iraq!
10:08 PM -- Oh jeez, if McCain could pronounce that Iranian dude's name, the guy on Larry King, then he would be TOUGH on that shit, all the way. Also, Pork-pork-pork-Perestroika.
10:10 PM -- Ha ha, Barack says Kissinger and all the other secretaries of state say you need to meet with Iran to talk about diplomacy, and Old Henry is, of course, an adviser to McCain.
10:11 PM -- Oh yoinks, North Korea didn't respond very well to McCain's Navy, either, but now the Bush Administration is having sexy talks with North Korea! But Senator McCain doesn't like that shit because it doesn't involve BOMBING EVERYONE.
10:12 PM - HAHAHAHAHAH finally Obama drops the Spain thing. McCain doesn't want to meet with the prime minister of Spain! Spain is part of NATO, even if they are perhaps "distant Mexicans." Why does Juan McCain hate Spain?
10:16 PM -- So knives aren't allowed, right?
10:16 PM -- And now we discuss ... Russia! Obama knows the names of the breakaway republics. Says we must affirm the fledgling democracies, all the places in the former Eastern Bloc where your editor lived and started so many families. But, yes! Do not start a new fucking Cold War, as we sort of had that, and it was NICE to have that end. Right?
10:18 PM -- McCain will ... ahh right, whine about it.
10:19 PM -- McCain will bring us back to the Cold War, by NUKING MOSCOW.
10:20 PM -- McCain is now talking about the Russian Empire, and how it will take back Alaska, which will give Sarah Palin important experience.
10:20 PM -- You know, your editor likes his stories about that part of the world, too, but this is not exactly thrilling to 90% of Americans -- the ones without passports, and the ones who can't find Iraq on a map.
10:23 PM -- Well, that is maybe an important point: These scary countries are mostly important to us because we don't have DA OIL. So, Obama, he has the plan, etc., and McCain votes 2,300 times against all alternative energy because he is the hobbit whore of the oil industry.
10:24 PM -- John McCain will get a few barrels from offshore drilling and then Cindy is going to be pissed when the oil blobs wash up on Coronado's beach, where Cindy lives, with the SEALS.
10:26 PM -- McCain finally gets his favorite question: "What are the chances of another 9/11." Now he can talk about his butt buddy Joe Lieberman! They worked each other over "across the aisle," as they say, in Arizona. Sexytime!
10:28 PM -- What do you have, Barack, to close this terrible thing?
10:28 PM -- Ehgh, Barack, the biggest threat we face is NOT BEING HATED BY EVERYONE. Christ. Run a decent country, stop fucking everybody, and maybe you don't have to worry about the Terrorisms. Okay, your is going to have dinner with his family at this point, and here comes your Jim Newell with the new business. Good Night!