Lo Unto Us A Democratic Memo Is Given, To Beat Devin Nunes On The Ass With!

Using a pic of Adam Schiff, because you'd rather look at him than dumb poo face Devin Nunes.

Remember all the drama over THE MEMO? It feels like it was many years ago, because that's how everything feels now. (Trump Time Compression Syndrome is real, y'all.) But it was in fact just a couple weeks ago! Well finally the Democrats on the House Intelligence Committee (HPSCI), led by the stalwart Adam Schiff, have released their response, which takes all of HPSCI chair/Trump slut Devin Nunes's lies, stomps on them, stomps on them some more, and constantly reminds everyone that Nunes hasn't even read the source intelligence his dumb memo was based on.

The Democratic memo came out to much ... fanfare? Is that what happens when something is released on a Saturday afternoon, while America is watching Olympic curling, napping, sexing, or writing thank you notes because you sent us all the money? Oh well, whatever, BREAKING NEWS NOW THAT YOU'RE PAYING ATTENTION, WE HAVE A DEMOCRATIC MEMO!

The main thrust of the GOP memo, which was self-debunking, was that the FBI acted improperly when it went to the FISA court with a shit ton of evidence against dumbest little Russian intelligence asset Carter Page, four separate times, and FOUR SEPARATE FISA JUDGES agreed that yes, we should "wire tapp" this dumb little Russian intelligence asset. Everybody signed off on it, including people Donald Trump hates, like Sally Yates and James Comey and Andrew McCabe! SCANDAL!

The GOP memo also literally made up a story that the only evidence the FBI had against Page was the DODGY DOSSIER, compiled by former MI6 spy/expert on Russia Christopher Steele, and that because Steele's research was PAID FOR BY HILLARY PEOPLE, it doesn't count. Of course, FISA warrant applications are many, many pages long, and Page had been on the FBI's radar as a Russian intelligence recruit #ForFuckingEver, but no matter. It also doesn't matter who paid for it! All that matters is whether or not it's TRUE.

Let's look at the Democratic memo, which is about how Devin Nunes is a liar and an idiot. In this first excerpt, we learn that the FBI didn't even know about the DODGY DOSSIER when it first started looking at Page, considering how the FBI interviewed Page in March 2016, and the inquiry into Trump and Russia started in July 2016, before the dossier even existed. (Even the GOP memo accidentally admits that. It's part of how the GOP memo is a big self-own.) It also notes that when the latest round of FISA warrants on Page started, Page wasn't even with the Trump campaign anymore:

Schiff provides further clarity about how, by the time the FBI got its hands on Steele's research, in mid-September 2016, the bureau had already started investigating REDACTED number of Trump campaign people, whose named were REDACTED. Of course, the very next footnote seems to reveal what was REDACTED.



Here is the first time Schiff writes that Devin Nunes is full of shit:

So, about that FISA application to put a "wire tapp" in Carter Page's fanny! A big theme of the Nunes memo is that the FBI/DOJ committed malpractice in seeking surveillance of Page, because it supposedly relied almost wholly on the DODGY DOSSIER. So, after Schiff details all the reasons the FBI was looking at Carter Page before he was associated with Trump, going all the way back to 2013, Schiff explains why the FBI was curious about him in 2016, and how it used Steele's research: 

Three quotes should jump out at you right there:

  • "Steele's information about Page was consistent with the FBI's assessment of Russian intelligence efforts to recruit him and his connection to Russian persons of interest."
  • "This closely tracks what other Russian contacts were informing another Trump foreign policy advisor, George Papadopoulos."
  • "In subsequent FISA renewals, DOJ provided additional information obtained through multiple independent sources that corroborated Steele's reporting."

See? Where the FBI was using Steele's work, it was CORROBORATING HIM IN REAL TIME.

Devin Nunes and his cohort have been obsessed with the notion that the FBI somehow lied to or misled the FISA judges (all four of them, three of whom were appointed by Republican presidents) about how Steele's research was funded by HILLARY KILLARY BENGHAZI. So here is the part of the FISA warrant application from October 2016 related to Steele, just in case Devin Nunes hasn't read it (he hasn't):

It's right there! And who else would be looking for damaging information on "Candidate #1" in those last months of the campaign? Would that be Jill Stein, coming from out of nowhere with a Hail Mary? Or would it be THE FUCKING OBVIOUS ANSWER? If the FISA judges couldn't figure out that one, they are dumber than a common Devin Nunes.

The Republicans have released their own response to Schiff's memo, and their counter-argument is that the disclosure of who paid Steele was IN A FOOTNOTE, and that FOOTNOTES DON'T COUNT. The Republican response is sad and pathetic and should be wearing a hat that says, "LA LA LA, CAN'T HEAR YOU, BUSY GIVING DONALD TRUMP BLOWIES AND OBSTRUCTING JUSTICE!"

The rest of the Democratic memo is a bunch more "Devin Nunes is full of shit" and "Hey look, Devin Nunes is lying again" and "Reminder! Devin Nunes hasn't read the underlying source stuff in the first place." Whether it's related to why the FBI terminated Steele as a source (because he talked to the media instead of them), whether Steele was ultimately paid by the FBI (he wasn't), or the relevance of the SALACIOUS SEXTS between FBI agents Peter Strzok and Lisa Page (they are not relevant), the main idea is that Devin Nunes is full of shit.

You should read the whole thing, as they say on the internet!


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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