Local Cretin Somewhere Cancels Make-Believe News Event


The terrorists and their Constitution have won again! Local dingbat "the Reverend Terry Jones" has decided to cancel his super-fun 9/11 carnival, probably after mysterious special-ops American Military Assassins in Black Suits visited his mobile home and threatened to rip off his little wiener and let him bleed to death in a dumpster behind a KFC. The dream of burnin' Queerans is over! Or is it?

Every news organization in America is excitedly reporting something along these lines:

The minister of a Florida church said he has canceled plans to burn copies of the Quran because the leader of a much-opposed plan to build an Islamic Center near ground zero has agreed to move its location. The agreement couldn't be immediately confirmed.

Wait, what? The fuck does this clown in his sheet-metal-building fake church with 15 retarded German immigrant members have to do with some fancy New York City Islamic Swimming Pool of Terror?

Maybe the English Socialist paper The Guardian would be less full of crap?

Terry Jones, who heads the Dove World Outreach Centre church in Gainesville, Florida, claimed he was not bowing to the pressure from the White House and abroad but had taken the decision because Muslims in New York have agreed to move a controversial Islamic centre planned to be built close to Ground Zero. However, it emerged last night that Robert Gates, the US defence secretary, had phoned Jones and asked him not carry out his threat.

Jones also claimed he was planning to fly to New York to discuss the proposed cultural centre's new location with the New York imam Feisal Abdul Rauf.

But the imam, in a statement issued last night, said he had not spoken to Jones.

Good. But other reports suggest Terry Jones, once his anus recovers, will attempt to fly a passenger jet into 9/11. Luckily, his Discover card was canceled six or seven years ago, the end. (The End? Not bloody likely! But we can hope.)


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