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TheNew York Times' Sunday magazine has a lengthy profile on Lindsey Graham this weekend entitled "This Year’s Maverick," because that is a word that still means something to the NYT Magazine, or perhaps they are making a joke. To be fair, some of this profile is about how Graham is concerned about immigration and likes to talk to Obama a lot. But the other part, of course, is all the little details of Graham's sad no-homo life.


Here is when the question you are legally obligated to pester Lindsey Graham with when you meet him is asked:

During a South Carolina Tea Party rally this spring, one speaker created an uproar by postulating that Graham supported a guest-worker program out of fear that the Democrats might otherwise expose his homosexuality. (Graham smirked when I brought this up. “Like maybe I’m having a clandestine affair with Ricky Martin,” he said. “I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I’m sure hundreds of ’em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.”)

Yeah, Lindsey Graham, the problem is not that gay men and gay Ricky Martin are throwing themselves at you and want to kill themselves because they can't have you. The problem is you think this is the problem because you won't allow yourself to be gay and so you only think of gay men in terms of your sex fantasies, in which they are all going crazy for you, allegedly. What happens when you suppress stuff?

“I’ve got to find some way to let some steam out,” he said. “Find a safety valve. You know what I mean? I’ve been thinking about that all morning.”

Things like that.

There are lots of choice details and quotes in here. “I don’t have a life” is a good one. "I’ve never been a Luke Skywalker. I’m a much more calculating guy than that" is another good quote of him not having a life. The fact that Graham only got a "800 combined score" on the SAT is fun. And that he loves Chick-fil-A "except when dieting" and sweetish alcoholic beverages like the almond schnapps he orders in the story.

Then there's this:

The row house on Capitol Hill that Graham purchased in 1998 is sparsely adorned, says a friend, “with early college-reject furniture” that was in fact left behind by the previous owner. It took months for Graham to realize that someone had stolen a TV of his, since it was in his kitchen, which he never uses. Bachelorhood would appear to have chosen Lindsey Graham, rather than the other way around.

Yes. None of this is the other way around. [NYT]

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