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OH LOOK, there are a handful of statesmen left on the Republican side of the United States Senate, and they are making air-horn noises about maybe giving Donald Trump's scissoring partner Vladimir Putin what he deserves for sticking his nose in the middle of our election! Ever since the election, and also for many years before, Sen. John McCain's stance on Russia and Putin has been "GRRRRR, Walnuts would like to take that KGB guy behind the gym for FIVE AND A HALF YEARS, ALAN!" Sen. Lindsey Graham, McCain's best pal in the Senate, has also too been making noises about how Russia's covert role in influencing our election needs to be investigated and Putin should be punished, noting that it doesn't matter that the meddling helped his party THIS TIME.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608665/will-congress-investigate-russian-meddling-in-election-if-we-call-it-hillary-clinton"></a>[/wonkbar]Meanwhile, Trump has been like, "My BFF Putin? No way, he did not do anything bad, because he would have told me during the campaign when we talked on the Obamaphone every single night. It was probably a 400-pounder, sitting on his bed in New Jersey, who did the hacking. Somebody's doing the hacking!"

Well, good news! McCain and Graham are not intimidated, and they are now officially calling for investigations, to be commenced like yesterday:

Senate Armed Services Committee Chairman John McCain (Ariz.) is readying a probe of possible Russian cyber-incursions into U.S. weapons systems, and he said he has been discussing the issue with Senate Select Intelligence Committee Chairman Richard Burr (N.C.), with whom he will be “working closely” to investigate Russia’s suspected interference in the U.S. elections and cyberthreats to the military and other institutions. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) has been apprised of the discussions.

Senate Foreign Relations Committee Chairman Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) also said he intends to hold hearings next year into alleged Russian hacking.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608924/seems-like-mitch-mcconnell-and-john-mccain-ready-for-donald-trump-to-stfu"></a>[/wonkbar]UH OH, BOB CORKER, the Trump supporter who's been named as a possible secretary of State? RICHARD BURR? It's like there are at least three or four elected Republicans who actually believe in American sovereignty and don't seem to share the president-elect's enthusiasm for giving Putin mouth-hugs. Amazing! And they've told Mitch McConnell, whose turtle-headed enthusiasm for Trump has been underwhelming to say the least? Whoa!

The Washington Post says Sen. Graham is going to "spearhead legislation and hold a series of investigative hearings" into ALL the gnarly stuff Russia has been doing around the world, including screwing with our elections, and that he really, for real, wants to punish Putin. WaPo also reports that McCain's Armed Services Committee investigations will focus on "Russian cyber-capabilities against the U.S. military and weapons systems," because, and this is a quote from McCain directly, "the real threat is cyber." Wonkette wants to make a "That's what she said" joke right now, but we will refrain because this is a serious topic.

More on McCain's investigation:

... McCain said he expects the investigation will also dovetail with the topic of Russia’s suspected hacking of the DNC and state-based election systems — which include a hack that took place in McCain’s home state of Arizona.

“See, the problem with hacking is that if they’re able to disrupt elections, then it’s a national security issue, obviously,” McCain said Thursday.

YOU DON'T SAY! Now, we understand that some people out there are under the impression that if Putin's hacky leaks to Wikileaks helped expose the grotesque secret that sometimes the Clinton campaign ordered pizza (code words for PEDO SEX RING WITH EXTRA CHEESE!), and thereby lost the election for Hillary, then that must mean it is OK and Putin is our buddy now. Those people are morons who do not love America.

Democrats in the House like Rep. Elijah Cummings have been calling for investigations like this, but GOP Rep. Jason Chaffetz has been too busy washing his magic Mormon underpants and praying to Jesus that Hillary Clinton would write some new emails for him to investigate, so he doesn't seem to have gotten around to it.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608993/senate-democrats-tell-obama-to-spill-it-dude-on-russian-interference-in-election"></a>[/wonkbar]Meanwhile, Democrats in the Senate -- whom we bet would just love to work with Sens. McCain and Graham and Corker and Burr on this, YAY BIPARTISANSHIP! -- recently sent a "PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN" letter to President Obama that basically said to please declassify all the dirty information you have on Russian interference in the election, RIGHT NOW.

Obama hadn't really responded to that, until Friday morning (today), when, according to Politico, homeland security and counterterrorism adviser Lisa Monaco told a breakfast meeting that the preznit has personally ordered a full account of that Russian meddling from the intelligence community, and he expects it on his desk in the Oval Office while he still has a desk in the Oval Office, so no dawdling:

"We may be crossed into a new threshold and it is incumbent upon us to take stock of that, to review, to conduct some after-action, to understand what this means, what has happened and to impart those lessons learned," Monaco told reporters at a breakfast arranged by the Christian Science Monitor.

Monaco would not commit to making the findings of the review public, but did say that it would be shared with "a range of stakeholders," including members of Congress.

Good. And once these investigations are done, and the intelligence community and John McCain are able to show us exactly on the doll where Putin and Trump hurt America, we can go ahead and begin the process of removing the Manchurian idiot boy from office, with our new hero Republican senators leading the way.

Good god, the next few years are going to be weird.

[Washington Post / Politico]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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