First of all, right here at the outset, and 27 days before the midterm elections, we should say that polls are starting to go a bit haywire, and we're hearing all different things about all different things. (Beto's up! Beto's down! Beto has an adorable ass, according to the poll we just took of ourself! See? There's variance.) But we are definitely starting to learn what America has been thinking in the wake of Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation to the Supreme Court, and also during the maniac few days just before that happened, when Susan Collins was going back and forth on how long she wanted to wait to fail America yet again.

A new CNN poll was taken from October 4 (Thursday) to October 7 (Sunday) and, well ... how do we say ... OK let's just say the GOP jizzed all over itself about three weeks too early, and if there's going to be a Brett Kavanaugh "bump," it's probably just the new Supreme Court justice "boofing" again. (Which means putting drugs into your butt! Drugs like cocaine! And people do a "bump" of cocaine! GET IT? WE MEAN BRETT KAVANAUGH IS DOING A "BUMP" IN HIS HIND QUARTERS! ALLEGEDLY!)

The point here, and Wonkette does have one, is that according to this new CNN poll, Democrats still have a 54-41 advantage among likely voters in the "generic" poll, where they ask if you'd like to vote for "generic" Democrat or "generic" Republican. CNN notes that this is the biggest advantage recorded in this poll since 2006, when Democrats had a "whopping" 21 point lead and beat the GOP's ass in those midterms.

But in case you are wondering precisely how pissed women are now, in a mathematical way, here is your answer, and it is that they are pissed in such a way that we personally think it might erase that "whopping" record from 2006.

Golly gee, CNN, women sure do "lean" more toward Democrats, don't they! (BY THIRTY FREAKING POINTS!)

Wonder what's gone on recently to make American women feel that way, as a whole! Oh yeah, we just said it, and it is that this poll was taken at the very apex of the Brett Kavanaugh situation.

Did the GOP have a hard time figuring out that pushing a likely sexual predator onto the Supreme Court might be problematic for them with women? Is it possibly because they don't think women are actual people, therefore how can they even SEE them in polling results? If so, that seems like quite a problem of their own creation!

Democrats are also beating Republicans on the enthusiasm chart, with 62 percent saying they are either "extremely" or "very" excited about the upcoming elections, whereas the GOP clocks in with a very tiny number that is less than that, which is just 53 percent.

We really truly feel very bad for the Republicans (factcheck no we do not) that they prematurely ejaculated their little Brett Kavanaugh situation a few weeks too early. Maybe if they had waited a little longer, they could have closed that enthusiasm gap. (Factcheck hahaha no, you have NO IDEA how pissed Democrats are right now.)

But as it is, we guess the Dems will just have to kick ass and take back Congress, and start building the majorities it's going to take to get that dumb motherfucker off the Supreme Court forever.

And also take back our country and save it from Donald Trump.

And maybe do free healthcare for everyone.

And everybody gets a candy cane and a pony, because we are Democrats and we like handouts, of candy canes and ponies especially.


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Image: Marriott Hotels

Great GOP wordsmith Frank Luntz, the guy who gave us the "death tax" and who urged the George W. Bush administration to talk about "climate change" since it was less politically motivating than "global warming," did some more of his characteristic word magic today! While staying at the Hotel Imperial in Vienna, Austria, Luntz offered this cautionary tale about the evils of socialism, as illustrated by the shoddy conditions in a 5-star luxury hotel owned by Dubai's "Al Habtoor" conglomerate and operated by Marriott:

Talk about your grim hellholes! Apparently, there's only one elevator in the entire building, and it's been broken for three days, proving that European-style socialism is a failure that should never be imported to the USA, where -- damn it! -- all buildings work!

As some smartass pointed out, now Luntz may have to take the STAIRS, like a common Bolshevik!

We're still trying to get our heads around how a delay in getting an elevator fixed in a luxury hotel owned by the United Arab Emirati proprietors of Dubai's

  • Habtoor Grand Resort
  • Waldorf Astoria Dubai Palm Jumeirah
  • Habtoor Palace, LXR Hotels & Resorts
  • V Hotel, Curio Collection by Hilton
  • Hilton Dubai Al Habtoor City
  • Metropolitan Hotel Dubai
  • Al Habtoor Polo Resort

as well as

  • Imperial Hotel, a Luxury Collection Hotel, Vienna (Austria)
  • Hilton London Wembley (United Kingdom)
  • Hilton Beirut Habtoor Grand (Lebanon)
  • Hilton Beirut Metropolitan Palace (Lebanon)
  • President Abraham Lincoln Springfield – a DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel (United States)
  • InterContinental Budapest (Hungary)
  • The Ritz-Carlton, Budapest (Hungary)

is an example of the horrors of socialism, but then, we don't earn the big bucks like Luntz does. Austria is among the 14 richest countries in the world, so we're fairly certain it's not a commie hellhole. Then again, there is a very strong social safety net, so maybe people in subsidized housing stole all the elevator parts. Or perhaps the elevator would have been fixed sooner if only Austria didn't have such strong unions. It's a mystery.

Or maybe it's that NATIONAL socialism that's the problem, seeing as it has socialism RIGHT IN THE NAME!

Adolf Hitler, once a day labourer outside the Hotel Imperial Vienna, returned as the Führer and "delivered a speech to a rapturous crowd from [the hotel] suite's balcony, on 14 March 1938", according to

We suppose it's worth noting that the Imperial is decidedly not owned or operated by the Austrian government, where a far-Right coalition has recently imploded -- although maybe Luntz is confused about that, since official state guests are traditionally housed there. In any case, the elevator's busted, it's in Europe, Europe is socialist, and Frank Luntz is homesick for America, where no elevator ever goes unrepaired for an entire weekend. It simply has never happened because of our efficient free market!

Still, Luntz's tweet inspired some valuable reflections on how economic theory shapes the reality of everyday life. This is the kind of Austrian economics we can support.

In conclusion, capitalism always allocates resources efficiently and fairly, although that still doesn't explain why Frank Luntz has a job. And now it would be your DOKTOR ZOOM'S BIRTHDAY PARTY OPEN THREAD, if only the socialists would fix the elevator, the end.

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