LORDY, Adam Schiff Is Pretty Sure There Are Tapes!

Still gonna fuck Trump up.

Golly, we're glad it's such a slow Infrastructure Week in the news right now! Just kidding, Jesus what a shitshow.

We almost forgot already that on Monday, Devin Nunes and his idiot GOP compatriots on the House Intelligence Committee (HPSCI) shut down their pretend investigation into Russian interference in the election and possible Trump-Russia conspiracies to steal American democracy. Clean bill of health! No collusion, no collusion, no collusion! The Russians were ACTUALLY trying to help Hillary! (Even committee Republican Trey Gowdy is already giving that little tidbit from Devin Nunes's report a steaming heap of country lawyer side-eye, because while he may be a craven partisan hack, he's not ENTIRELY stupid. Also he is retiring, so WEIRD HAIR, DON'T CARE.)

HPSCI Democrats decided Tuesday afternoon to go ahead and release a minority "status report" on the investigation, a 21-page document that exposes exactly how many loose ends the Republicans left, due to how they don't care if a hostile foreign power stole our election, as long as it doesn't affect their hold on power. The Atlantic's Natasha Bertrand said on Chris Hayes's program Tuesday night that Democratic Rep. Adam Schiff, ranking member of HPSCI, told her he wanted the document to serve as a roadmap for journalists, the Senate Intelligence Committee, and maybe even special counsel Robert Mueller, that in essence says, "Hey, finish this investigation, since the GOP leaders of our committee should probably be hanged for treason at this point, that is how bad they are." (That is obviously a Wonkette-d up version of what Schiff said.)

The report? It is damning.

But before we get to that, can we note a couple things about what is actually happening this very week, as Devin Nunes exonerates Donald Trump on all charges, past, present and future?

  • A federal judge has placed Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort on full-blown house arrest, noting that he "faces the very real possibility of spending the rest of his life in prison," and that he is a yoooooge fucking flight risk.
  • Turns out Roger Stone's been doing some NAUGHTY FIBBING about his contacts with WikiLeaks and Julian Assange, related to the emails Russia hacked to hurt the Hillary Clinton campaign.
  • Remember Robert Mueller's new cooperating witness George Nader, who seems to be at the nexus of a very weird influence operation on the Trump campaign/administration, involving Russia, the United Arab Emirates, and a very weird meeting in Seychelles?

Meanwhile, Devin Nunes and his GOP henchmen are all "CASE CLOSED!"

You bet.

Let's look at the Democratic response!

One revelation everybody is talking about is that Schiff 'n' Pals are pretty sure, FOR SOME REASON, that there are tapes related to Donald Trump's attempts to obstruct former FBI director James Comey by the pussy:

The Minority has a good faith reason to believe that the White House does in fact possess such documentation memorializing President Trump’s conversations with Director Comey.

WHOA IF TRUE! Let's read more!

Appendix A of the report is focused on all the questions we have yet to answer about the Russian attack on the 2016 election, what the Trumpers knew about it, and when they knew it. It notes that a Russian cut-out told Trump campaign "coffee boy" George Papa-Smurfs-A-Lot way back in April 2016, long before Hillary Clinton's campaign knew it had been hacked, that Russia was about to unleash dirty email hell on Hillary, and had "previewed" that information to Paps. Seriously, who else knew? It also notes that HPSCI's "investigation" only "scratched the surface" of issues like election security, Russian meddling on social media, and Trump campaign assurances that Russia would go unpunished for its actions. Remember how Michael Flynn met with the Russian ambassador and told him not to worry about those new Obama sanctions, then lied about it?

Oh yeah, and about Donald Trump's business dealings with Russia, there are still so many questions:

Deutsche Bank, which was fined $630 million in 2017 over its involvement in a $10 billion Russian money-laundering scheme, consistently has been the source of financing for President Trump, his businesses, and his family. We have only begun to explore the relationship between President Trump and Deutsche Bank, and between the bank and Russia. Moreover, as the Committee has learned, candidate Trump’s private business was actively negotiating a business deal in Moscow with a sanctioned Russian bank during the election period.

O RLY? Oh yeah, and also all the money laundering, both that which may have directly involved the Russians and Trump, and also the stuff Paul Manafort is going to die in jail over, how did THAT work?

And what about Dumbass Junior's Big Russian Spy Meeting in Trump Tower? And what about LITERALLY ALL THE OTHER THINGS? HPSCI Democrats are just curious!

Appendix B is about witnesses the committee just never got around to interviewing, for whatever "Devin" reason. What's fascinating about this list (and others that come later in the document) is the number of names we either A) have never heard or B) have heard of, but might not think to connect with this investigation in the way House Democrats are.

Here are a few screenshots, to serve as examples:

Guys? That is really just a tiny sample. Notice how much they say, "The committee has reason to believe," and things like that? Notice how many discrete lines of inquiry are going on here? Yeah, we sure are glad Devin Nunes and Mike Conaway felt comfortable tying this investigation up with a bow.

Here's a weird one, in a section about the Trump campaign data operation and its possible connection with the Russians:

Avi? Who the hell is Avi?

The Committee has reason to believe that Mr. Kushner may have dispatched Mr. Berkowitz to meet with Russian Ambassador Kislyak in December 2016.


It's too bad there isn't some kind of open investigation in the House of Representatives, to get to the bottom of stuff like this.

We have only begun to scratch the surface of this document, which describes how the Devin Nunes Playtime Treason Committee only barely scratched the surface of doing any sort of grown-up investigation on Trump and Russia. Wonkette encourages you to open a tab and bookmark it, if only because it will serve as a good reference point for when enterprising journalists break new stories and overachievers like Robert Mueller indict people we've never heard of.

This investigation is a long way from over. And every time a new story comes out, every time somebody else gets indicted, Devin Nunes will look even more like the traitorous (alleged) cow-fucker he allegedly is.

Adam Schiff deserves a goddamned medal of honor for putting up with him all these months, and for all the patriotic work he's done to this point.

Can't wait for the next shoe to drop!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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