Louie Gohmert Has Thoughts About The Anal Opening. Louie Gohmert. The Anal Opening. Gohmert.

We continue to be very excited about Robert Mueller's upcoming open testimony before Congress. We, unlike most of the Republican members of Congress and most of the Americans in America, have read the entire Mueller Report, and we know what it's going to be like for a highly respected Republican former FBI director like Mueller to speak his findings aloud -- to discuss the hundreds of improper contacts between the Trump campaign and Russians, to talk about Paul Manafort passing Rust Belt polling data and strategy to a Russian spy, to describe the president's many criminal acts of obstruction. It's something Congress needs, and America needs. This is not a country that's read a book in a while.

Politico has a piece today on how inbred dumbfuck paint-huffing Republicans on the House Intel and Judiciary committees are also excited, because they are inbred paint-huffing dumbfucks who are very stupid and think they're going to get one over on Mueller.

Louie Gohmert, in particular, is blowing ropes:

"He's done some irreparable damage to some things and he's got to answer for them," said Rep. Louie Gohmert, one of 25 Republicans on the House Intelligence and Judiciary Committees who get to grill Mueller during the back-to-back hearings.The Texas congressman added that his reading of the special counsel's report did little to temper his long history of animosity for the former FBI director: "It reinforced the anal opening that I believe Mueller to be."

Can somebody call Gohmert's office and let the congressmen know the "anal opening" is simply called the "anus"? (Or the asshole or the B-hole or the "multi-tasker" or any of a hundred other terms? Also, once he is on the phone, mock him for pretending he's read the Mueller Report, because we are pretty sure that's above his pay grade.)

Anyway, Louie Gohmert does not like Robert Mueller, and never has. In December of 2017, during a congressional hearing, Democratic Rep. Steve Cohen of Memphis noted that all the Republicans used to looooove Mueller before he was appointed to investigate the very real Russian crimes of their shithole crime daddy Donald Trump, at which point Gohmert interrupted to shout, "I didn't! I don't!" He later got mad that Cohen had "slandered" his "character" by suggesting implicitly that he, Louie Gohmert, might have at one time been sweet on Mueller, when he has obviously always irrationally hated that highly respected public servant.

Gohmert put together a whole 48-page report called "Robert Mueller: Unmasked," which we guess over the course of 48 whole pages thoroughly "unmasks" Mueller. (See why we don't think Gohmert has read the 448-page Mueller Report? We just don't think he has the range for that kind of reading.)

But never before has Gohmert said fightin' words like "it reinforced the anal opening" about Mueller until now, when Mueller is coming before Congress to talk about shithole crime daddy's Russian crimes.

You know Gohmert is serious when he starts talking about reinforcing the anal opening.

The rest of the Politico article is about how Mueller will also be questioned by such Leviathan-cocked MENSA stallions as Devin Nunes, Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan. Imagine how divorced from reality your brain would have to be to believe that any of those three men -- or the anal opening reinforcer himself -- could somehow outmatch Robert Mueller in a battle of wits. Seriously.

These guys:




Versus this guy:


Yeah we bet he is quakin' in his boots.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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