Kirstjen Nielsen Denied Tacos Forever
Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen, whose job description these days involves defending evil in its cruelest forms, had hoped to unwind Tuesday night after a tough day of being terrible when protesters crashed the restaurant where she was dining to tell her she sucks.
Protesters from the Metro DC Democratic Socialists of America came into MXDC Cocina Mexicana, a popular restaurant near the White House, holding signs and confronted Nielsen on Tuesday night.
The secretary had been sitting at the back of the restaurant and had a security detail at the time of the protest. Nielsen was seen sitting quietly and later, talking on the phone in the video posted by the group, as protesters booed and peppered her with questions.
"Aren't you a mother, too?"
"How do you sleep at night?"
"Do you hear the babies crying?"
"If kids don't eat in peace, you don't eat in peace," they chanted.
Wait, Nielsen had the gall to go to a Mexican restaurant? (The FUCKING GALL, as a young woman in the video shouted, correctly.) What the hell was on her mind? She better take her complicit ass to Chick-fil-A. MXDC Cocina Mexicana is run by celebrity chef Todd English, who has some things in common with Nielsen's boss, so maybe she thought it would be a friendly haven. The menu promises "classic Mexican with a modern touch," and it does look tasty. I can almost understand why Nielsen chose to drown out the sounds of screaming children with some lobster and corn guacamole, soy-glazed short ribs, and a few rounds of "millionaire margaritas."
Oh, here's some video of people shouting at Nielsen, which is awesome.
Still-evil but somewhat competent administrations might advise their Cabinet members not to chillax in fancy restaurants when their department is literally imprisoning children in refurbished Walmarts. It looks, I dunno, callous and stuff. I'm also concerned that she took a lesson from Scott Pruitt and chose a Mexican restaurant just so she could charge the dinner as a business expense.
Nielsen's spokesperson released a statement about last night's events but no Yelp review for MXDC. (I bet she's the type of person who'd complain that the habanero margarita was "too spicy." C'mon, they warned you!)
For future reference, there are some other restaurants near her work where Nielsen might feel more comfortable until this all blows over: Up on I Street, there's Blackfinn Ameripub, a sports bar with a patriotic name. There's the landmark Old Ebbitt Grill on 15th. And if she really wants a burrito, there's a Chipotle less than a mile from the
Hall of Doom White House. That's probably safer.
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Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He's on the board of the Portland Playhouse theater and writes for the immersive theater Cafe Nordo in Seattle. Tickets are on sale now for his latest Nordo collaboration, "Curiouser and Curiouser," an adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass." It promises to feel like an actual evening with SER (for good or for ill).