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By the Comics Curmudgeon
Ahh, what's that smell? Now that the election is over and there's a brief respite from the never-ending stream of bullshit, we can catch a whiff of sweet romance! They don't call the period after a new president's election a "honeymoon" for nothing. Let's enjoy this brief window of love-addled happiness before the hellscape re-engulfs us with these fine romantic cartoons.


Clicking cartoons makes them bigger! Click click! Do it!

OK, so this cartoon is actually from months ago, drawn by a Lebanese cartoonist about some kind of world AIDS conference in Mexico. Isn't it delightful? See, the world is united as one to fight AIDS, in Mexico, which why it is sporting a charming stereotypical Frito Bandito mustache, and, of course, and enormous sombrero made out of a condom ... and ... a halo, maybe? And instead of a bandolier, our saucy bandit is instead demonstrating his AIDS awareness with a red ribbon. Oh, and the condom-halo-sombrero thing is jiggling at you, suggestively, because our Mexican AIDS bandit wants to make sweet, hot, safe love to you, right now, in his mountain fortress.

And our Mexican Safe Sex Love God has inspired the rest of us to such amorous thoughts! Just look at our future president as the Dem donkey takes him on a tour of the palace from which he will rule us like a king. Obama and the donkey demonstrate the two different reactions people have when denied the aphrodisiac of power for years and years; the walking political symbol regards Bush's stained sex chair with obvious distaste, whereas Barack is ogling it with bedroom eyes, clearly planning on hitting it "donkey style" with his party's beloved logo-beast.

Naturally, that romp with Barack on the chair awoke the Dem donkey's inner polymorphous pervert. When Joe Lieberman came crawling back, saying he'd been "bad" and needed to be "punished" ... you know what, I can't write this anymore. This cartoon features what's either a freakishly giantified donkey or a terrifying Lieberman-homunculus, and the former is using a noodle to whip the latter on his ass, which is naked, and which you can see. It is an abomination in my sight, an insult to the dignity of the republic, and an affront to all right-thinking people everywhere.

The Lieberman cartoon does have one thing going for it, mind you: It makes this cartoon, in which a swimsuited Sarah Palin grinds her woman-parts against the bleached and long dead bleached bones of the GOP elephant in a desperate attempt to revive its corpse with her sexual heat, look kind of dignified, in the sense that we can't see anybody's naked ass.

Obviously things are just going to get tawdrier from there. Here we see the sad aftermath of another love affair gone wrong, in which the American Car can't get through its head that the nights of showing up at Congress's door for a quick booty call, which always ended up with a little cash in its pockets, are at long last over. Will the Car ever find a love like that again?

Here, we see the American Car industry and Congress in happier days, when Congress would just stuff money up the auto-industry's anus into the depths of its broiled corpse. This is frankly the best metaphor anyone has come up with in this context ever.

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How do you do, fellow libs? We come together tonight to cheer and clap and cry and laugh, with our leader, Elizabeth Warren, and her fellow nice people Jay Inslee (the gold standard in climate action), Beto O'Rourke (excellent on being a good ally mostly), Cory Booker (best corny love hippie but also Wall Street, it's weird), Julian Castro (I don't know, people are super into him despite his creepy twinness and his too much pomade), Amy Klobuchar (bad bitch), Bill de Blasio ( ... ), John Delaney (???), and Tim Ryan and Tulsi Gabbard.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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