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Magic Of Internet Streaming Video Allows For Queasy, Uncomfortable Live-Blogging After All

So it turns out that you can watch the teevee on the computer now. Your guest-blogger will be live-blogging this thing after all. Be warned that it won't be funny, unless this turns out to be a practical joke of some sort. Then it still won't be funny, just weird. Join us for the devastating yet brave liveblogging, after the jump.


12:08 Just a bunch of people wandering around aimlessly with no sound at the moment.

12:11 Seriously, this is the most exciting silent white-people-standing-around-aimlessly footage I've ever seen streamed blurrily over the Internet. I always knew it would be glamorous to get into the political reporting game.

12:15 Still nothing. Does anything ever happen on time with these people?

12:21 Here they are. AND THERE IS STILL NO MOTHERFUCKING SOUND. DAMN YOU FOX.

12:22 Sound on. Whew. John Edwards loves Chapel Hill, FYI.

12:22 Elizabeth went to Dr. on Monday because of pain. X-Ray showed possible fracture, something suspicious on side.

12:23 Bone study, made suspicion "more intense"; biopsy showed malignant cancer returned. Jesus.

12:24 Net results: Cancer back, confined to bone -- which is a good thing?

12:24 "We are very optimistic ... key is to keep your head up."

12:25 Cancer "no longer curable ... completely treatable." Um.

12:25 Because its small size, we are optimistic ... patients with this cancer have lived for years.

12:26 You can live with it, like with diabetes ... disease always there, must always be treated.

12:26 Elizabeth: Announcement was waiting on talking to their family. She gently admonishes press for leaking. Bad press!

12:27 Kids are sad that she won't lose her hair. Always look for silver lining. How the hell are these people not bawling? I'm all tearing up, and I write for the world's most cynical political site.

12:28 "Incredibly optimistic" ... She plans to do all the same things next week that she did this week

12:29 "completely asymptomatic" ... apparently she cracked a rib which is why she got the x-ray -- dumb luck that they caught it.

12:30 CAMPAIGN GOES ON .... WE HAVE DISCUSSED IT, NOT SUSPENDED ... TAKE THAT POLITICO! AND, UM, WONKETTE.

12:30 "We have no intention of cowering in the corner" ... they leave for Boston and California right after the press conference ... THE EDWARDSES ARE BAD-ASSES

12:31 Elizabeth says that one of the reasons for the press conference to show how healthy she is now.

12:32 Elizabeth "immensely proud" of John's campaign ... "if it were about [John Edwards], it would be easy to give it up".

12:33 "At every event I ever went to, someone cried on my shoulder" ... Well, look for lots more of that, Elizabeth.

12:34 Elizabeth jokes about huge new house ... broke her rib through bizarre hugging accident ... JOHN MAKES WIFE-BEATING JOKE, DESTROYS ALL ACCUMULATED GOODWILL

12:36 Seriously, John does not tell his wife what to do, and does not beat her. Doctor told them that there was no health reason to suspend campaign, and so they never considered doing it.

12:40 Apparently, if you can't handle a wife with cancer, you can't handle being president.

OK, since the big announcement is out, let me just clarify the bizarre sequence events that led to diagnosis before I stop with the live-blogging:

* Elizabeth tries to pick up heavy piece of furniture for their enormous new house.

* Elizabeth throws out back.

* John hugs Elizabeth, exacerbating back injury.

* Elizabeth attempts to flee hug; John and Elizabeth hear something "pop."

* Elizabeth gets x-ray; vigorous hug apparently re-fractured an old fracture or something? Not sure I followed this. Also seen on x-ray, but totally unrelated: cancer.

After this explanation, John joked that he had actually been beating her. Um.

Anyhoo CAMPAIGN NOT SUSPENDED, POLITICO AND WONKETTE OPERATIVE TOTALLY WRONG. And there you have it.

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