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Making Sure A Plane Bomber Will Never Not Actually Bomb A Plane Again

News


  • The Department of Homeland Security will begin smuggling more plainclothes air marshals on planes, most likely by just putting them in a regular Advil bottle. [New York Times]
  • Regarding the aspirational terror act, Obama, from Hawaii, has finally issued important threats about Investigating Things.  [POLITICO]
  • If the airplane bomber had been at all talented at bombing airplanes, the explosives he had would have been enough to rip a hole in the plane. [Washington Post]
  • North Koreans received a border-crossing American human rights activist on Christmas Eve! They have called "keepsies" and do not wish to exchange him for store credit. [WSJ]
  • China executed this heroin-smuggling British person, which was contentious for all the regular reasons but also because he was psychologically unsound. [Times Online]
  • Iran threatened to "slap" Britain, like the place, if it continues its alleged meddling in Iranian protests. [AP]
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No pressure in November, but looks like the Supreme Court is going to do FUCK ALL about gerrymandering this term. In a unanimous decision authored by Chief Justice Roberts, the Court remanded the landmark Gill v. Whitford redistricting case on standing -- in other words, they won't be ruling on it because the plaintiffs challenging the gerrymander hadn't adequately proved that they personally had the right to challenge Wisconsin's preposterous districts.

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We have been hearing ever since late last week that Michael Cohen is probably about to be arrested and probably going to be indicted on one million charges and probably maybe might be about to try to flip and make a deal so that he doesn't end up in prison for the rest of his natural life. In fact, we have been hanging our hopes on it, because everything else sucks. Sure, we are still filled with joy over how Paul Manafort is on day four of JAIL, MOTHERFUCKER, JAIL, but then we remembered what is happening on the border and what we are saying right now is we need something happy.

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