Manic Pixie Asshat Ends Piano Campaign To Win Back Girlfriend, Is Sorry You All Hate Romance
This weekend, we brought you the story of Luke Howard, a piano player from Bath, England, who was so emotionally distraught over his girlfriend of four months (four months!) breaking up with him that he decided to Forrest Gump a piano in a park until she agreed to take him back.
A pretty good sign, frankly, that she should absolutely not do that.
Alas, his stunt has come to an end -- not because he was punched in the head at 4 a.m. while he was playing (although I understand the temptation, this was bad), but because women were real mean about all the awesome romancing he was doing and he was concerned that this would upset the object of his desire.
He sent a letter to iNews explaining his reasoning:
Yesterday, at around 4am, as I sat in the centre of Bristol playing the piano I was punched in the head while, as it would now appear, turning myself into the largest fool in the West Country.
So, much to the great relief of many I’m sure, I stopped playing. But the attack wasn’t the reason why I walked away from the piano.
I stopped playing yesterday because I realised that what I had wanted to do had spectacularly failed. The social media reaction turned it very quickly into something that would cause the one person I didn’t want to hurt embarrassment and pain. That was the last thing in the world I had wanted to happen, so I left.
I do not blame or in fact feel anything negative towards anyone who has commented on what I decided to do. On the contrary, the lack of understanding just reminds me of how very rare a thing pure love actually is and even though it has hurt me so deeply, I was very lucky to have felt it at all.
So to the girl I didn’t want to name, whose house I didn’t want to sit outside, didn’t want to flood with text or emails I want to sincerely apologise for all of this.
Yes. The reason people thought this was creepy and emotionally manipulative is because unlike Luke Howard, we do not understand what pure love even is, and we probably just hate #romance. Surely, if we did, we would all be swooning over his glorious act of romance, and applauding him for having the restraint to not sit outside her house.
Hey! Wonkette has never sat outside your house either! We would like some credit for that, in the form of donations to our tip jar! Click below!
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse