Donate

Sorry about everything, Marco Rubio, but you deserve it.


A lot of people are giving Senator Marco Rubio credit just for showing up last night to the CNN town hall on gun violence in Sunrise, Florida. We have no such sentiment for him, as he is the GOP senator from Florida and it is his job to engage with his constituents, even when it is hard and kids laugh at him like the dumb Little Marco he is. We do give him credit, though, for not running away the 5th or the 9th time Cameron Kasky, a high school junior and survivor of the mass shooting terror attack at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School, dunked on him and made him cry. That required some testicular fortitude!

Rubio did slightly change his mind about a couple of gun things, which is notable considering how he has an A+ grade from the NRA. Over the course of the event, he said maybe we shouldn't arm teachers and maybe we should restrict semi-auto gun sales to people over 21 and maybe we should restrict magazine size, because maybe if we did those things, a few of the people in Parkland might not have died. Marco Rubio will get mass shootings down to the "only 12 or 13 murdered" level, that's his campaign platform, and the NRA has informed him he's STICKIN' TO IT.

We're not going to attempt to give you every insane/crazy/amazing exchange from the town hall, which for some reason also featured NRA spokes-shouty person Dana Loesch, who showed up late and was useless the entire time she was there. But there were some big moments, starting with this one everyone is talking about, when Kasky laid Marco Rubio on his ass and roasted him on a spit for refusing to say he would stop taking NRA money. In the process, he also got in a delicious dig at that asshole Dana Loesch:

KASKY: Senator Rubio, it's hard to look at you and not look down the barrel of an AR-15 and not look at Nikolas Cruz ...

THAT WAS KASKY'S OPENING REMARK. He continued by saying it doesn't matter whether you're a Democrat or a Republican, all that matters is whether you're a person who wants to fix it, or a person who "prefer[s] money," so in that spirit, "Can you tell me right now that you will not accept a single donation from the NRA in the future?" The crowd lost it cheering, which gave Rubio a chance to avoid answering. He continued to avoid answering when Kasky added:

KASKY: I wish I could have asked the NRA lady a question ... because I would ask her how she can look in the mirror, considering the fact she has children, but maybe she avoids those.

OH MY GOD HE CALLED HER A VAMPIRE. Can we just go ahead and elect this kid president, or at least a state senator or something?

Rubio finally "answered" with a bunch of horseshit about how when he takes money from people and gun terrorist organizations, it's because they want to "buy into my agenda." So we guess the NRA is taking cues from Marco Rubio! Is that what he's saying? Because that's what we heard.

KASKY: In the name of 17 people, you cannot ask the NRA to keep their money out of your campaign?

Nah. Marco Rubio says nah.

Here is dad Fred Guttenberg, whose child was murdered last week in the gun terrorist attack. He had some choice words for his bloody-handed NRA senator, as well!

GUTTENBERG: Your comments this week and those of our president have been pathetically weak. [...] Look at me and tell me: Guns were the factor in the hunting of our kids in this school this week, and look at me and tell me you accept it and you will work with us to do something about guns.

Nah. Marco Rubio says nah. Rubio will only support a few tiny things he thinks he can get away with without getting an NRA spanking. Go on, Mr. Guttenberg:

GUTTENBERG: Senator Rubio, MY DAUGHTER, running down the hallway at Marjory Stoneman Douglas, was shot in the back with an assault weapon, the weapon of choice, OK? It is too easy to get. It is a weapon of war. The fact that you can't stand with everybody else in this building and SAY THAT? I'm sorry.

Nah. Marco Rubio couldn't say that. He instead got into the weeds about the problems with the so-called "assault weapons ban," doing that deflection thing gun nuts do where they say ACTUALLY that ban isn't good because it doesn't ban ALL the semi-automatic guns, therefore let's not ban ANY of them, because that particular law is written badly. But is Rubio willing to start with the flawed ban, and then work toward banning all of the semi-automatic weapons, asked the father? Nah. Marco Rubio says nah.

Of course, Rubio's argument kind of fucked him when he got upset at the prospect of banning all semi-auto weapons, and the crowd, who just went through a mass shooting, was like "YES LET'S DO THAT, ASSHOLE." Rubio stated, "My colleagues do not support banning every semi-automatic rifle in America," and then begged Democratic Congressman Ted Deutch to agree with him:

RUBIO: Are you in favor of banning any gun that can do what the AR-15 can do? Yes or no?

DEUTCH: [...] Do I support banning weapons that fire off 150 rounds in 7 or 8 minutes, weapons that are weapons of war, that serve no purpose but killing the maximum number of people they can, YOU BET I AM!

Sorry, Little Marco!

Let's watch somebody yell at NRA rage demon Dana Loesch and call her a sadistic garbage human now. Here is Broward County Sheriff Scott Israel:

ISRAEL: I understand you're standing up for the NRA and that's what you're supposed to do. But you just told this group of people you're standing up for them, and you're NOT standing up for them unless you say, "I want less weapons." (CHEERS)

Oh, but he was not done! Israel went through a litany of things that need to be changed that don't involve guns, giving Dana Loesch an opportunity to nod along like "that's right!" and "you betcha!" Then he crescendoed to his climax:

ISRAEL: Bump stocks should be illegal, they should be outlawed forever! Automatic rifles should be outlawed forever, and anybody who says different [...] we're calling BS on that!

And this was Dana Loesch's face.

And here is Cameron Kasky's review of Dana Loesch:

OH MY GOD HE CALLED HER A VAMPIRE AGAIN.

Finally, here is Robert Runcie, superintendent of the school district that contains Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School. He is not here for thoughts 'n' prayers. He is also not here for Donald Trump's stupid ignorant desire to arm teachers:

RUNCIE: To our teachers at Stoneman Douglas, you work so tirelessly. You love the students as your own babies. And some of the dialogue that I've heard recently is about arming teachers. We don't need to put guns in the hands of teachers. You know what we need? We need to arm our teachers with more money in their pocket! This country pays a lot of lip service to the importance of the teaching profession, but we don't put our money behind it.

In other words, SUCK IT, TRUMP.

We could keep going with this post forever, but let's just close by saying Cameron Kasky is the boss of you now, and so are all the rest of the kids of Stoneman Douglas.

Also, fuck Marco Rubio and Dana Loesch.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE. And if you love this article, tweet it and share it on the Facebooks!

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries, so we NEVER DIE.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc