Marine Will Not Allow Senator/'Some Woman' To Legislate His Personal Assault Rifles


Good news, Debaters Of Gun Control, the voice of reason has arrived, and his name is Joshua Boston. He was in the Marines from 2004 through 2012 and somehow only made it to corporal, but he knows what he was fighting for, and it was not slutty Sen. Diane Feinstein.

He sent her a letter, you see, and explained why he will never, ever, ever register his assault weapons, and why he will not be told what to do by "some woman who proclaims the evil of an inanimate object." Debate OVER.

Entitled Veteran Boston knows what's up. Just check out the letter, which went viral last week, because people love stupid things:

Senator Dianne Feinstein,

I will not register my weapons should this bill be passed, as I do not believe it is the government’s right to know what I own. Nor do I think it prudent to tell you what I own so that it may be taken from me by a group of people who enjoy armed protection yet decry me having the same a crime. You ma’am have overstepped a line that is not your domain. I am a Marine Corps Veteran of 8 years, and I will not have some woman who proclaims the evil of an inanimate object, yet carries one, tell me I may not have one.

I am not your subject. I am the man who keeps you free. I am not your servant. I am the person whom you serve. I am not your peasant. I am the flesh and blood of America. I am the man who fought for my country. I am the man who learned. I am an American. You will not tell me that I must register my semi-automatic AR-15 because of the actions of some evil man.

I will not be disarmed to suit the fear that has been established by the media and your misinformation campaign against the American public.

We, the people, deserve better than you.

Respectfully Submitted,

Joshua Boston

Cpl, United States Marine Corps


That last part, in case you missed it, was "respectfully submitted," which totally cancels out the rest of the rude, ridiculous diatribe. If you say "respectfully submitted," it's always respectful.

We all owe Cpl. Boston a big debt of gratitude — he was in the military, after all, which means his opinion is worth way more. Doubly so because he is heavily armed.

And because he swore to defend the Constitution, he is automatically a preeminent constitutional scholar, who can decide when things are constitutional and when they are not, and decide it better than Congress and the president and the Supreme Court, because he is the man who keeps you free. He is the FLESH AND BLOOD OF AMERICA, for chrissakes. You have to listen to him, and, obviously, to invite him on Fox News so he can make Hitler allusions.

To question his legal interpretations would be unpatriotic, and it would be tantamount to shitting on Old Glory if you pointed out that he was (ostensibly) defending the American democracy, which kind of includes legislators making fucking laws.

So thank you, Ex-Pfc. Wintergreen, for writing this letter, and explaining how you are immune from hypothetical American laws because of your service. Please tell the mailman we eagerly await his amicus brief.

[Fox News]

Check out Wonkette on Facebook and Twitter, and if you are interested in other people who are not constitutional scholars, Rich Abdill is on Twitter too.

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OK everyone, hello! It was a really shitty week with Trump's BABY JAILS and whatnot, right? And we cried and we cried, but then we got MAD. Are you MAD BRO? Because this shit is not going to stand and we are more fired up than ever to make things better, to register people to vote, to pick them up in our car so they can go vote, and also all the other stuff too. BRB TAKING OUR COUNTRY BACK NOW. That is how we are right now! So are you! Start by marching with Wonkette next week!

Also, please look above, as that is a picture of Wonkette toddler getting SWIMMING LESSONS. Isn't that the greatest?

OK, we are continuing our tradition of making the top ten post even shorter than ever before, because gotta get on the road and go to Nashville BRB GOING TO NASHVILLE NOW.

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Why Are You Peeing On Yourself, Donald Trump, Jr.? (ALLEGEDLY)

2. Ann Coulter's America Will Die if Baby Jails Go Away, So That's Something!

3. Yes, Trump Is Stealing Children. But You Can DO Something.

4. Baby Jails? Goddamn Motherfucking BABY JAILS?

5. Trump's 500 Days Of Bummer

6. The 987,386 Most Fucked Up Lies Our Shithead President Told This Morning

7. Happy Father's Day, Roger Stone! YOU ARE THE COLLUSION!

8. Michael Cohen Slams Baby Jails On His Way To Grownup Jail

9. Awwwww Rudy Giuliani, YOU FUCKING SCARED?

10. Trump Foundation Fuckery? WHO KNEW!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Let's see ... anything else? Nope, BYE.

Yours in baby Jesus,


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The great journalists at the National Enquirer regularly sent advance digital copies of stories about Donald Trump and his political opponents to Michael Cohen, according to a story in the Washington Post, which cited "three people with knowledge of the matter" as sources. Probably Trump was one of them, you know how he is.

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