In a conference call today with his PR firm's managing directors, Hillary Clinton's disgraced Colombian-loving rapacious Janus-faced lardbot Svengali and most despised chief strategist Mark Penn revealed that he isn't really going anywhere. He will still be "very much involved" with the Clinton campaign but he won't be called a chief strategist anymore.

That way he can burrow back into his spider hole with some Combos, a few liters of Diet Pepsi, a stack of horse porn, and some polling data. He will release occasional "strategic" missives to Senator Clinton and still collect massive paychecks, but his altered title will make sure nobody bothers him again. Until Hillary loses the nomination and permanently bombs his spider hole.

Mark Penn Speaks (In Private): Will Still Advise Clintons, Calms Nervous Aides [Huffington Post]