Mark Sanford Will Pretend To Return Tomorrow

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We feel a bit sorry fortreefucker Mark Sanford's communications department, like this harried spokesperson Joel Sawyer, who probably knows only these facts: Sanford grabbed a pair of keys at some point Thursday, told everyone in the office, "Enjoy working, losers, I'll be back in a week or whenever," smacked the secretary's ass on his way out, and that's it. Give JOEL SAWYER a raise, of money! He now claims that his office spoke this morning to Sanford, who was confused as to why anyone would care if he abdicated his state executive job for a week to go into the Forests, alone, beyond all contact. Sawyer said Sanford "plans" on returning to work tomorrow morning.


COLUMBIA, S.C. -- South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford called his chief of staff Tuesday morning to check in after an unexpected five-day absence, and was surprised to learn that his disappearance was garnering significant attention, his spokesman said.

"It would be fair to say the governor was somewhat taken aback by all of the interest this trip has gotten," spokesman Joel Sawyer said in a statement. "The governor communicated to us that he plans on returning to the office tomorrow."

What you must note in every story about this, many of which bear the headline "Mark Sanford found" or "Mark Sanford located," is that no, no one actually knows where he is! The Appalachian Trail is approximately 450 million miles long, stretching from Georgia to New Hampshire to India and back. Mark Sanford could well be in India, people!

South Carolina Governor to Return to Office Wednesday [WSJ]

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