Donate

You guys there is yet another debate tonight in Massachusetts and we are beside ourselves with excitement waiting for the answer to the eternal question, JUST HOW RACIST WILL SCOTT BROWN BE? We bet he goes full Andrew Jackson. Because for the last hour, his supporters have been doing war whoops and tomahawk chops outside the debate hall, the same kind that Scott Brown sternly reminded Elizabeth Warren to please stop doing, and to show a little class and respect! Anyhoo, turn on your "SPAN" or your this, fetch you some firewater, and let's start this bitch!


6:53 PM -- We are drinking pink Champagne, because it was literally the only booze in the house. Quick everybody, make up a drinking game!

7:01 PM -- The rules are there are no rules. Scott Brown is gonna get naked yall.

7:02 PM -- David Gregory: Elizabeth Warren, why do you insist on being a damn dirty redskin?

7:04 PM -- Scott Brown is backing off, way off. "Nobody's questioning what her parents told her," Scott Brown? Guess bald racism wasn't playing well even in Boston.

7:07 PM -- Scott Brown is trying to get back his "likable" cred but after the last debate, that is a horse that is out of the barn door (his unzipped pants). Meanwhile, Warren has just the right amount of "THIS IS TARDED" without actually saying it in all caps.

7:10 PM -- Your Editrix may be the only person on the whole of the Internet who doesn't hear Scott Brown saying "professor" as a slur.

7:16 PM -- Scott Brown calls Elizabeth Warren's contention "laughable" (that she worked on behalf of victims while being paid by an insurance company). She interrupts; he comes back with "let's assume she's correct and move on to this steel company."

7:18 PM -- Elizabeth Warren is absolutely on defense right now, and David Gregory breaks in to her defense of her law work with a "bipartisanship" question. Scott Brown, do you love Mitt Romney?

7:20 PM -- Scott Brown: No, David Gregory, I am awesomely bipartisan, thank you for asking!

7:24 PM -- Elizabeth Warren: I have occasionally also met a Republican I did not want to murder!

7:25 PM -- This debate is a mess. Scott Brown is walking all over David Gregory. He's all like "Listen pansy, I will talk about what I want to talk about because I am full of sperm." The crowd hoots. And now the crowd is hooting for Warren pointing out that he doesn't campaign around the country as someone who loves B. Barry Bamz. We read that people were not to be allowed to applaud. The crowd is now stomping on that rule about as much as Scott Brown is stomping on David Gregory. OH, and Scott Brown wants to interrupt Elizabeth Warren once again, surprise.

7:29 PM -- And he gets an assist from David Gregory, who cuts Warren off because she (SHOCK) spoke for OVER A MINUTE, IN PARAGRAPH FORM. Did we say Thrilla in Vanilla? This is a fucking free for all.

7:30 PM -- OK, remember like 10 minutes ago when we said we didn't believe Brown was necessarily using "professor" as a pejorative? Well fuck that shit. "Excuse me, I'm not a student in your classroom."

7:36 PM -- What is David Gregory's boner for Simpson-Bowles? Who the fuck cares? (VILLAGERS.) David Gregory will not actually let her answer his question. Awesome format! Great moderator!

7:37 PM -- Weird, Scott Brown is now talking in paragraph form, and David Gregory is NOT INTERRUPTING HIM. Guess David Gregory knows a MAN FULL OF SPERM when he sees one!

7:43 PM -- HEY NOW, Elizabeth Warren has been speaking for at least three sentences now. Shouldn't David Gregory have cut her off?

7:47 PM -- David Gregory: Ms. Warren, you've had a chance to respond SHUT YOUR MOUTH, "LADY." (But in many more words.) This is sick. Your Wonkette has no words for how awful that just was.

7:51 PM -- Your Editrix can not actually stand much more of this. We imagine David Gregory is not intentionally being a fuckwad sexist asshole to the woman in the debate, and probably does not realize he is doing it. He probably has no idea he has spent the past hour bowing before the alpha male and ganging up with him on the soft-spoken woman sharing their stage. But he has, Blanche. He has. And it is not funny, nor adorable. Warren has held her own without losing her shit, but she has been absolutely on defense thanks to the two of them.

We are now on the Supreme Court and Scotty names every justice as his model justice, because he isn't just pretty, he is awesome at pandering.

7:55 PM -- And David Gregory is like WHY DOESN'T MASS ELECT WOMEN? Is it because they are so stupid and on the rag? Fuck you David Gregory. We can't say Elizabeth Warren won this fucker (by a longshot), but you lost it.

7:56 PM -- HAH HAH I AM DAVID GREGORY AND I AM ASKING THE LADY A SPORTS QUESTION BECAUSE I DIDN'T MAKE IT CLEAR ENOUGH ALREADY THAT WOMEN DON'T BELONG IN OUR CLUB.

Fuckin travesty y'all. Travesty.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

$
Donate with CC
'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc