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The Day The Clown CriedThe idea -- as cited by Lloyd Gove in his column today -- that TIME's Matt Cooper is fishing for a job at the NYT because the newsweekly's hire of Mike Allen has made him feel "a bit crowded" seems off to us. First of all, Allen is not that much taller than Dickerson. Does hog the covers, tho. And then there's the question of whether Matt's fishing... or was he pushed? Far from being crowded, we hear he may be lonely: Since his bravura performance of "I Was THISCLOSE to Jail" on the courthouse steps last month, the reception by his colleagues has been stilted and the magazine's editors aren't sure what to do with him. (Jim Kelley's response to inquiries about Cooper's future in last week's NYT piece were somewhat less than enthusiastic: "It's not a matter of appropriateness; it's a matter of effectiveness.")


The Times, however, has the perfect role for Cooper: foil. Our sources say that it's not so much the Times that's interested in Cooper as it is managing editor Bill Keller. The rank-and-file, on the other hand, wonder why Keller would be interested. We suspect Keller is looking for a soulmate, or at least a cellmate. With almost-a-martyr Cooper on staff, Keller might succeed in muddying the waters over of the paper's internal investigation of Judith Miller's role in the leaking of the name of CIA agent Valerie Wilson (Plame, whatever).

Please don your tin-foil hats before we continue after the jump.

Editor & Publisher recently laid out a theory that Keller and Arthur Sulzberger, Jr. have defended Miller and stick to the claim that whatever she learned, she learned while pursuing a story, but the paper's own reporting hints otherwise, with E&P connecting the dots to suggest that Miller went to jail not to protect a source, but to protect herself. (Arianna has sources wondering the same thing.) Last week on "Imus," James Carville went even further, saying that the special prosecutor leading the federal leak investigation is "going to subpoena Bill Keller and all them and asked them what Judy Miller told them and if they don't talk he's going to stick them in jail." He continued, saying that around Washington, people "speculate that Judy Miller has a Fifth Amendment problem, not a First Amendment problem;" rather than having uncovered Wilson's name in the course of reporting, Miller was "used by the White House to spread" the Wilson-Plame story herself. This would prove to be very satisfying if it were true -- we can go back to hating Judy Miller again.

Back to Matt Cooper: We're not sure what, specifically, Keller would hope to get out of hiring Cooper -- if he's looking to collect a First Amendment hero to replace Miller, Cooper falls slightly short of the mark -- but we do understand that Matt is more fun to have around the office.

Ragin' Against the Machine [Hotline (sub. req.)]

Time Fills Slot to Cover White House [NYT]

Judith Miller's Tale Under Scrutiny -- At Her Own Paper [E&P]

The Expanding Judy File [HuffPo]

Time magazine writer Matt Cooper [AFP]

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Blanket Disclaimer: Spitting on anybody is dead wrong. Even if it's a Trump.

Still, Eric Trump got to eat a tiny slice of the shit pie women, minorities, poors, disabled, and all of the other people who are deemed "takers" or who come from "shithole countries" experience at some point in their lives: He got spit on. By a woman, according to Breitbart (no link), because we are evil. Woe unto the wealthy white man! Wealthy white men are some of the most abused and marginalized people in the Universe, according to wealthy white men, and Eric Trump is no exception. Please cry for wealthy white men, ok you can stop now. Another group of Americans that are constantly abused, marginalized, and even denied their rights by the very same type of wealthy men that spawn such men as Eric Trump, are called "women." And apparently we are mean as fuck now.

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Well folks, we think we have a geopolitical relations first for an American president. We might need to consult with Doris Kearns Goodwin or Kevin Kruse, but we cannot recall a time one of America's purported enemies OR friends has called the president of the United States "retarded" or anything along those lines. We remember leaders hating American presidents. We remember them recoiling like UGH GET OFF ME when an American president tried to give them a friendly sensual love massage during the G8. We remember them literally attacking our democratic elections in order to prevent the inaugurations of potential presidents they despise and fear. But we don't remember anything like this.

President Hassan Rouhani of Iran, commenting on Donald Trump after the Trump administration threw some new sanctions at Iran on Monday:

Iran warned Tuesday that new U.S. sanctions targeting its supreme leader and other top officials meant "closing the doors of diplomacy" between Tehran and Washington amid heightened tensions, even as President Hassan Rouhani derided the White House as being "afflicted by mental retardation."

Here is the full quote, in case you were wondering if something was lost in translation, like that time Vladimir Putin called Trump "brilliant" and Trump was so excited he left a ring of orange jizz around the bathtub, but what Putin actually said in Russian more accurately translates as "colorful" or "shiny." There's no confusion here:

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