Matt Schlapp To Own The Libs By Getting A Ton Of Parking Tickets

Crime
Matt Schlapp | Matt Schlapp speaking with attendees at the 2… | Flickr

Over the last several years, the Right has dedicated itself to one singular goal — to "own the libs." They have done numerous stupid and embarrassing things — up to and including electing a reality show buffoon to the highest office in the land, buying Keurigs to smash them and wearing adult diapers — simply because they think that doing those things will really teach us all a lesson, and then we will all hang our heads in shame stop asking for people to be treated decently or something to that effect.

But Matt Schlapp, former Trump Communications Director Mercedes Schlapp's husband, is hoping to change that. He has figured out the perfect way to get revenge against us, or at least those of us who think we should defund police departments. He is going to go out of his way to get parking tickets. Oh boy, will that ever show us!

We hate it when people get parking tickets and then pay them. That is definitely a thing that takes up a whole lot of space in our brain. The only thing that would make this worse would be if they parked illegally, then went to Starbucks to buy a latte gave their name as "Merry Christmas" or "Trump Rulz," and after that, ate a whole bunch of Papa John's weird sugar pizza.

Look at how incredibly triggered people were by this!





Truly, the Republicans are the party of law and order.

Personally I like that Matt Schlapp thinks he gets to say where the money for his parking tickets goes. Like he can specifically mark it as a donation to the policeman's ball. While sure — money from parking tickets does, in some cases, go to the police (which is pretty bad when you think about it), that is not always the case. They could even go to fund the kinds of things Republicans hate thinking about their taxes going to. Like public libraries or domestic violence shelters or various other things that are not the police or the military or large corporations. Perhaps, in the end, they would be the ones who were owned after all.

Anyway! This is now your open thread! Have a lovely day! And don't get any parking tickets.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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