Maureen Dowd, star columnist of the august New York Times, did a hilarious thing this weekend! She used lots and lots of misogynist buzzwords! (That isn't the new part. She does that every week.) But this time, she said the words about a man! Because what could be worse than being called shrill, and bitchy, and part of a "sewing circle" and "on PMS"?

Haha, nothing, MoDo! GIRL POWER! See, it's funny because there is nothing worse than being a woman, and to call a man woman-words is really heightening the contradictions or something, I don't know, all I know is that it was very clever, and definitely not the worst thing we read all week, because of how Maureen Dowd is very MUSCULAR and TOUGH and HAS BALLS I guess, whatever.

Or, alternatively, fuck you Maureen Dowd.

WASHINGTON — LET’S stop being so hard on Donald Trump.

He has done us an enormous public service.

After this down-and-dirty battle of the sexes, we will never look at gender in politics the same way.

And there's our thesis! Maureen Dowd is going to flip sexism on its head!!!!!

For centuries, women were seen as unfit to hold public office. Ambition, power and business were the province of men. Unlike gossipy feminine chatter in the parlor, manly discourse was considered impersonal, unemotional, forthright and reasonable.

Every minute of every day, Trump debunks that old “science” when he shows that the gossipy, backbiting, scolding, mercurial, overly emotional, shrewish, menopausal one in this race is not the woman.

Ha! Ha ha ha ha! Donald Trump is a disgusting dried up crone whose oves don't work and he can't have babies no more and so he is completely useless! Ha! Ha ha ha ha!

Trump is surrounded by a bitchy sewing circle of overweight men who are overwrought at the prospect of a distaff Clinton presidency.

Newt Gingrich, Chris Christie, Roger Ailes and Rudy Giuliani are the Really Desperate Housewives of Trumpworld. They are so shrill that Trump sometimes needs to remind them that he’s the Queen Bee.

Blah blah blah, boring part where she calls Newt Gingrich "pudgy" elided for you, the reader.

Pretty boy Sean Hannity is as obsessive about Trump as a teenage girl with a Tiger Beat pop icon. On Fox News Thursday night, the anchor and Gingrich did their best to scratch Hillary’s eyes out on Benghazi, Bosnia and Ferguson. Hannity frantically tried to deflect from Trump’s Machado meltdown with a segment called “Is Obama an Islamic Theologian?”

Teenage girls are almost as stupid as women past menopause, amirite?????

Megyn Kelly, now The Man at Fox News, seemed to throw shade at her colleague’s girl crush after the first debate.

Shut the fuck up, Maureen Dowd.

We are skipping past the rest -- Chris Christie the "manipulative she-devil," Trump's vanity, Hillary Clinton's "reputation for shiftiness," which wouldn't seem to have a natural home in a column about Donald Trump's cackling sewing circle, except Maureen Dowd worked HARD to give Hillary Clinton that reputation, and she's not about to let it go unremarked! -- because it is awful and we are soooooo bored.

Suffice it to say, Maureen Dowd's punchline is "We should have known then that Trump was really a 13-year-old girl."

Listen, Dowd. We understand what you were trying to do here. Honest. It's not that we just didn't get the joke.

It's that it was stupid, and you are bad.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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