Maybe Franken-Felons Didn't Destroy Democracy After All (But They Probably Did)
Al Franken is the patron saint-senator of comedians,artists, and Mick Jagger impersonators, but did you also know he’s beloved by America’s felons? A “traditional values”-loving pack of watchdogs called Minnesota Majority says that “hundreds of ineligible felons may have voted [in] the 2008 General Election,” and they all may have/probably/most definitely voted for Franken. Criminals just don’t vote for upstanding, well-dressed Republicans -- there is no common ground.
As Fox News explains:
[Minnesota Majority] found that at least 341 convicted felons in largely Democratic Minneapolis-St. Paul voted illegally in the 2008 Senate race between Franken, a Democrat, and his Republican opponent, then-incumbent Sen. Norm Coleman.
The final recount vote in the race, determined six months after Election Day, showed Franken beat Coleman by 312 votes -- fewer votes than the number of felons whose illegal ballots were counted, according to Minnesota Majority's newly released study, which matched publicly available conviction lists with voting records.
The report has given wingnuts an opportunity to talk about how "the Democrats may well have stolen the election," and also how felons and Democrats are basically the same thing.
"In fact, it looks as if virtually all felons are Democrats," writes Fox opinionist John R. Lott, Jr. "Felons are not just like everyone else." (Are you SCARED yet? Come on, get SCARED.)
Meanwhile, the investigator guy who’s following up on Minnesota Majority’s complaints is all “whoah whoah WHOAH,” because maybe the Majoritarians don’t know what they’re talking about? Because of privacy laws, they couldn’t obtain access to info like voters’ actual dates of birth in compiling their possibly bullshitty report:
“In a state with so many Johnsons,’’ said Carruthers, “you have many people with the same name born in the same year. You have to have date of birth, to be sure you have the right person.’’
The most important question: Why didn’t Michele Bachmann stop all this voting nonsense on that fateful Election Day 2008? Was she too busy looking for hidden cameras in her coffee maker? Daydreaming about internment camps? Makes a person question their faith in God (i.e., Michele Bachmann). [Fox News/MinnPost]