Maybe John McCain Will Announce Boring Veep Pick On Same Day As Barack's Big Acceptance Speech!
Shadowy "sources" tell Fox News that John McCain might be plotting to steal some of Barack Obama's thunder by announcing his vice presidential nominee as early as Thursday. This will ensure that McCain's decision -- MITT ROMNEY, OBVIOUSLY -- gets even less press coverage than expected. We look forward to liveblogging his enfeebled ode to the Mormon superhero, which will be delivered with his usual zest in front of a vomitous green screen in an abandoned subterranean Iraqi bingo hall for an audience of 40 bewildered senior citizens who came for the free samples. [Fox News]