McCain Relaunches Campaign by Opening Fire on White House, Killing Dozens
Did you see the Walnuts! campaign re-launch speech? We didn't either, actually, but we caught a clip of it on the internet. Guy couldn't wear a damn suit? He looked like he was about to start playing bass for an all-octogenarian Weezer cover band once he finished trashing Giuliani.
But the big news is that he's anti-Bush again. Welcome back, Maverick! The best part is that he will announce his candidacy three more times over the rest of the week -- watch him age in real-time!
He took a sideways swipe at Giuliani for the failure of the emergency radios during 9/11 (which would be a very relevant criticism if McCain was running for mayor of New York, which he would never do as it would afford him no opportunities to order airstrikes against anyone), and we hope he keeps that up with irrelevant criticisms of the other candidates during his next three speeches. Suggestions:
* Mitt Romney: "When Americans confront a catastrophe, natural or man-made, they have a right to expect basic competence from their government. They won't accept that firemen and policemen are unable to communicate with each other in an emergency because they weren't allowed to drink any coffee, and they're just really tired and out of it."
* Fred Thompson: "When Americans confront a catastrophe, they need it to be solved immediately, not in 43 minutes -- and there are no commercial breaks during emergencies."