Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O'Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company worker for the purposes of sneaking into then-Louisiana Senator Mary Landrieu's office so O'Keefe could, we don't know ... bug it? Mess with her phone lines? Kidnap the senator and take her on a dildo lube boat ride to hell? You never know with "journalists" like O'Keefe! Whatever it was, O'Keefe and his rarely sexed pals were charged with tampering with phone lines, and they pleaded out on a lesser misdemeanor charge of simply trying to get into a federal facility using the age-old tactic of lying.

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So, O'Keefe decided his Next Best Step would be to file a lawsuit against a legal site called MainJustice, over some words they wrote that conveyed the story accurately, but that were not pleasing to young O'Keefe. A federal judge has now told him where and in what manner to Get Bent:

In its original article, MainJustice said that O'Keefe was "apparently trying to bug" Landrieu's offices. After O'Keefe complained, the website changed the sentence to read that O'Keefe and his associates "were trying to tamper with Landrieu's phones." Still, O'Keefe sued, alleging that both characterizations were defamatory because they implied he had committed a felony. MainJustice countered that the language wasn't defamatory because the substance of the article was true, and the site accurately described the legal proceedings triggered by the episode.

The judge's response? "Hahahahahahah, okay, but no, go away little boy!" Actually, it was not those exact words, don't sue Wonkette! Judge Claire Cecchi wrote in her opinion:

It is undisputed that Plaintiff and his associates did in fact enter Senator Landrieu’ s office disguised as telephone repairmen, did handle the telephone, and did request access to the central phone system, all without proper authorization ... Therefore, the words “trying to tamper with,” understood in the colloquial sense, convey the substantial truth of the Landrieu incident and do not alter the ultimate conclusion of the paragraph -- that Plaintiff was guilty of a misdemeanor.

Judge Cecchi said that MainJustice's original article was hunky dory too, so she granted MainJustice's request to dismiss the libel suit, i.e. "go away, little boy."

The background of the opinion clearly states that "[d]uring their visit, Plaintiff and his associates asked to be directed to the 'central box' in order to perform repair work on the main telephone system." How weird, that MainJustice and everyone else in the world might think of that as "phone tampering." Maybe O'Keefe just wanted to check and make sure the phone wasn't a secret ACORN agent or something! Actually, O'Keefe admitted that he was there "in order to orchestrate and record conversations with the Senator's staff." We still can't imagine how anyone got from all these facts to "phone tampering," which DID NOT HAPPEN. Again, O'Keefe pleaded out. That means he did nothing wrong, right?

What will O'Keefe fail at next? Hard to say. Lately he's been trying and failing to get people to say they want to kill cops; totally expose a Catholic college for loving ISIS and terrorism so much (except not); scour Colorado for voter fraud (while finding nothing, even when he tries so hard to trick the Democrats into doing it); and of course, crossing the Rio Grande in an Osama bin Laden mask to prove that ... something.

Maybe he can finally get to the hard work of showing that Obama is working in concert with ACORN and ISIS to bring autism across the border, that seems like a story!

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[Mother Jones / Judge Cecchi's opinion]