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Wuss Mountain, more like.


Will Obama stop at NOTHING? First, like a common dictator, he changed the name of America's tallest mountain to some funny foreign Alaskan word "Denali," just because that's what the Alaskans always called it anyway, and despite the fact that the change made a solid HANDFUL of Ohio Republican politicians cry. Then he dared to travel all the way to Alaska, to rub it in everybody's face (and by "it," we mean his dick), even though Alaskan Junior Captain Dumbass-in-training Bristol Palin TOLD him not to come. And then, to make sure all the Republicans spend the rest of the week weeping into their dirty Fleshlights, he said "climate change" a bunch of times, like such a thing even exists.

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But this? This is just beyond the pale. Now the Obama administration is using its federal geologists to say Mt. Whatever is SHORT:

Using modern Global Positioning System (GPS) technology, the United States Geological Survey (USGS) found that Denali is 20,310 feet high, not the 20,320 feet that was previously measured in the 1950s. [...]

“Knowing the height of Denali is precisely 20,310 feet has important value to earth scientists, geographers, airplane pilots, mountaineers and the general public. It is inspiring to think we can measure this magnificent peak with such accuracy,” acting USGS Director Suzette Kimball said in a statement.

Take that, you mountain! Also your mountain mom is short and oh, hey, do you need the president to reach up on that high shelf to grab a box of Kleenex for you, because you are such a short mountain and can't do it yourself?

Of course, a 2010 survey of Denali showed that it was 20,237 feet tall, and not the 20,320 feet it had been using on its driver's license all these centuries, and Alaska, not a state known for being jealous of other mountains, made that change official after the survey came out in 2013. So, the TRUTH is that Obama not only restored the correct name of the mountain, he also added a few feet to the top, just for good measure, THANKS OBAMA! (The actual truth is that the newest survey used GPS, which is considered more accurate than the radar method used for the 2010 survey.)

If Bristol or Sarah Palin have a problem with any of this, they are welcome to get up on top of that mountain, stand on each others' shoulders and give it the little nudge it needs to hit 20,320 again. AND STAY THERE.

[The Hill]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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