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Preet Bharara: OF COURSE We All Thought About Taping Trump. THAT F*CKER LIES!

'WHAT KIND OF AMATEUR DEEP STATE DO YOU THINK WE ARE?' (Not a quote from Preet Bharara.)

Former US Attorney Preet Bharara, whom Donald Trump fired for probably criminal reasons, went on the Ari Melber MSNBC program on Tuesday afternoon -- he's promoting a new book, which looks great -- and he shed some light on a subject that's come up time to time over the past couple of years, and it is Deep Staters (we kid! not really!) like himself talking about taping Donald Trump. In the process, he made some news, and it is that, just before Trump fired him for probably criminal reasons, he thought about taping Donald Trump. And why? Because FUCKER LIES. Therefore it might be a good idea to memorialize one's conversations with the shithole human being, just in case fucker decides to lie in public about a conversation you had with him.

Makes enough sense, right?

Bharara recounted how Trump originally asked him during the transition to stay on at the Southern District of New York -- which was in itself odd, as he was an Obama appointee -- and then it got weird when Trump started calling him. And Bharara was the only US attorney Trump was calling. And then it got super weird when Trump called him after the inauguration, outside normal protocols. And so Bharara revealed that he considered taping Trump, if he were to return the weird phone call he got in March, you know, just in case Trump did something weird and/or criminal and proceeded to lie about it. Bharara and his people decided not to return the phone call, and soon after Bharara was fired.

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News

Ex-Speaker Paul Ryan Weasels His Way Onto Fox Board

The fox guarding the fox house.

Former House Speaker and ongoing terrible person Paul Ryan has joined the board of the new Fox Corporation. The "new model" Fox officially began trading early Tuesday after 21st Century Fox completed the transfer of Fox News, Fox Sports, and Fox Broadcasting. Disney picked up what was left of 21st Century Fox's assets in a to-go bag this morning.

Ryan's new colleagues include Formula 1 CEO and mustache tender Chase Carey, Aragon Global Holdings founder Anne Dias, former Telemundo CEO Roland Hernandez, and 21st Century Fox board member Jacques Nasser. He'll also sit around a big glass table in the Hall of Doom with controlling shareholders Rupert Murdoch and Lachlan Murdoch.

"We are thrilled to welcome our new colleagues to the Fox board," said Fox Corp. CEO Lachlan Murdoch. "We look forward to working with and being guided by them as we begin a new chapter, steadfastly committed to providing the best in news, sports and entertainment programming."

On the surface, this seems an odd fit. Ryan is a lifelong politician whose most extensive private sector experience was as a "marketing consultant" at his family's construction company. What does he have to offer the board of a major media conglomerate? True, he's already provided his fellow board members and conveniently now himself generous tax cuts that schmucks like us are already paying for. Maybe that's worth a 50 percent increase from what he was "earning" as one of the most ineffectual speakers in modern history.

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2020 presidential election

Pete Buttigieg On Morning Joe: Yes We Said Yes We Will Yes

Portrait of the mayor as a young man.

South Bend, Indiana, Mayor Pete Buttigieg went on the "Morning Joe" show this morning -- it's now prominently sponsored by America's Coffee Achievers -- and for nearly a half hour talked about Christian liberalism, fixing our stupid politics, war and peace, and why it's OK to be a youngling running for president. Danged if he didn't just impress the hell out of everyone with his easy command of facts and willingness to go beyond easy talking points. Let's discuss!

Here is the interview, in two parts, and it is actually kind of long and in depth! Is that even allowed on TV?

Pete Buttigieg: The Kind Of Person To Take WH Next Is What's Important | Morning Joe | MSNBC www.youtube.com

Buttigieg, at Joe Scarborough's prompting, started off with a little Jesus talk of the sort we sure wish we heard more of from political types. Not a word about oppressed Christians being forced to make penis cakes for gays, but instead an emphasis on the ol' Catholic school notion of the "Imitation of Christ," although Buttigieg noted he's an Episcopalian now.

When God comes among us, you see service, you see humbling, you see foot-washing. Feet are gross. [...] And what could be more different than what we're being shown in Washington right now? Often with some people who view themselves as religious, on the right, cheering it on.

Pretty sure it's the children in cages thing. Gee, and Buttigieg didn't even mention Bible Scholars Jeff Sessions and Sarah Huckabee Sanders, who know Jesus approves of doing whatever we want to ILLEGALS, because it's THE LAW.

Buttigieg also said he really would like to hear a lot more from the "religious left," and somewhere on a bus some liberal nuns fist-bumped each other and exclaimed "Damn straight!" Faith, said Buttigieg, is about protecting the most vulnerable,

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Post-Racial America

Katie Pavlich Wants Her Gold Star Please For Not Having Slaves

Please clap for America no longer enslaving human beings.

Fox News commentator Katie Pavlich was really annoyed Tuesday with Senator Elizabeth Warren's suggestion that America might possibly owe black people some form of reparations for enduring centuries of slavery, segregation, and now Donald Trump.

Pavlich doesn't even have slaves, mind you, because it's totally against the law. (We assume she also has a sincere moral opposition.) However, she believes Warren is out of her cotton-picking mind to propose just writing "big checks" to descendants of slaves. This isn't some common Publishers Clearing House slavery sweepstakes! No, Pavlich would prefer black people compose hand-written thank-you notes to the descendants of slave owners. After all, they're the ones who ended slavery out of the whiteness of their own hearts.

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2016 Presidential Election

Brother Of The Year Sells His Sister's Hoohoo-Peener Pics For $200K

And AMI editor claims NO KNOWLEDGE.

Okay, Wonkers, grab those bonbons and settle in for your stories. It must be sweeps week, since we've got the Trash Twins and Jeff Bezos's Wandering Dick back in the rotation.

Back in February, The Daily Beast confirmed that Michael Sanchez was the National Enquirer's source for the leaked texts between Jeff Bezos and his sister Lauren Sanchez. You know, just in case anyone failed to work that out when Elkan Abramowitz, the lawyer for the magazine's parent company American Media (AMI), went on television and announced that the source was "well known to both Mr. Bezos and Miss Sanchez." Now The Wall Street Journal has gotten details of the contract, confirming that Sanchez did indeed sell a photo of his own sister's pink bits for $200,000. Stay classy, bro, we know you will!

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News

The 174 Sh*ttiest Things Conservatives Have Said About The New Zealand Mosque Shooting SO FAR

It was hard to pick just 174!

Another sad day for the world, as Muslim worshippers in New Zealand have been murdered and terrorized in a way that feels all too familiar for Americans. We could spend a thousand hours talking about the online culture that radicalizes white supremacist terrorists, how it's spreading worldwide, and how the anti-immigrant/anti-Islamic hatred that motivated the killer in New Zealand is much the same as the hatred spread by the types of people in America who say there were many fine people on both sides in Charlottesville.

But other writers will do that, some of them at Wonkette. In this post, let's just look at some of the immediate terrible reactions, because "how are right-wing assholes responding" is kind of one of our traditions when there is a hate-fueled massacre.

Let's start with just fucking gross and weird, from one of the American congressmen who specializes in both gross and weird, Louie Gohmert of Texas.

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Culture Wars

New Zealand Shooter's Manifesto: Sh*tposting For The Whites

Terrorism plus trolling. O brave new world that has such people in 't.

Guys, I hate to defend Candace Owens, a garbage human being who loves riling up low-information idiots, but no, she did not "inspire" the racist who murdered 49 people at two mosques in New Zealand. Yes, even though he almost certainly agrees with her about immigration. He's trolling us, and while hatred should always be taken seriously and studied, the things said by racists, especially when they're repeating all their favorite little inside jokes, shouldn't necessarily be taken at face value, because sarcasm and shitposting are part of the online fascist's toolkit. Apart from the obvious commitment to racism and the desire to eradicate nonwhite immigrants, statements in the shooter's online manifesto should be considered skeptically. Let's do some unpacking.

We're not going to link to the copy of the manifesto we're working from, both because it'e evil and because hosts are scraping copies of it off their servers quickly enough that no links are likely to last. Believe me, you can find it without much effort if you want to see the filth.

Instead, take a look at this smart analysis of the manifesto's trolling by journalist Robert Evans, who knows a thing or two about terrorists and their recruiting methods. This manifesto has several audiences: potential future white nationalists, but also unwary journalists seeking to comb through it for easy answers to why someone would murder people in a house of worship. The title is straightforward enough: "The Great Replacement" partakes of the same white paranoia that motivated the Pittsburgh synagogue shooter and the marchers who chanted "Jews will not replace us" in Charlottesville: There's a shadowy conspiracy by very bad people to destroy the beautiful white race through immigration and high minority birth rates.

But as Evans puts it, the manifesto is also full of rhetorical booby traps:

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News

Beto O'Rourke Was Born To Be In This Headline

Let's take a look at this new Vanity Fair thingamajig about Beto's thingamajig!

Did you see the new Vanity Fair cover story about Robert Francis O'Rourke AKA Beto AKA Bingo AKA Sir Roberto Duvallier Francisco Domingo O'Rourke, XIV, Esq.? Clearly the new issue was timed with the roll-out of Beto's presidential campaign (COLLUSION!), and everybody's talking about it, so we'll talk about it, too!

First of all, we should note that That Thing is happening again, that happens to many candidates (especially women candidates!), where #TheMedia does a clickbait headline that isn't quite accurate, and before you know it, Twitter is off to the races saying OH YEAH, BETO? YOU WERE BORN TO DO THIS? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK? GUESS I BETTER NOT READ THE ARTICLE TO SEE IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, BECAUSE UHHHHHHHHH I SEEN THE PICTURE!

SEE? WHERE DOES HE GET OFF?

Let's see what he actually said.

"This is the fight of our lives," he continues, "not the fight-of-my-political-life kind of crap.

But, like, this is the fight of our lives as Americans, and as humans, I'd argue."

The more he talks, the more he likes the sound of what he's saying. "I want to be in it," he says, now leaning forward. "Man, I'm just born to be in it, and want to do everything I humanly can for this country at this moment."

Oh. That's different.

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popular

Child Rape Apologist Tucker Carlson Said Gross Things About Miss Teen USAs

Class act, this one.

This has not been a good week for Fox News. There was the Jane Mayer article in the New Yorker about how the station is deeply in cahoots with Donald J. Trump to the point of being obvious propaganda. There was Judge Jeanine Pirro trying to suggest that the fact that Rep. Ilhan Omar wears a hijab means that she is devoted to Sharia Law and thus opposes the Constitution (which is particularly interesting in light of the fact that Pirro is herself a Catholic, and for many years the line on Catholics was that they were too loyal to the Pope to be loyal to America). Then there was Tucker. Tucker being worshiped by white supremacists, Tucker defending child rapist Warren Jeffs, Tucker saying a bunch of racist shit, Tucker saying he wanted a racist president, etc. etc.

All the controversy has led to many advertisers deciding that they may not want their brands associated with such people. Several have decided to take their dollars elsewhere. Given that the MyPillow guy cannot singlehandedly support the station on his own, Fox will be having a special emergency pitch meeting to Madison Avenue executives in hopes of keeping more of the advertisers they still have and perhaps reaching new ones. They plan to highlight the "real news" portion of their programming, which at this point is close to non-existent, as well as the fact that they are the most watched cable news network in the nation.

They may have a little trouble doing that, given that there has been yet another dump of Tucker Carlson's comments from the Bubba The Love Sponge show -- in which he, once again, appears to get very excited about the prospect of sex with underage girls.

The year was 2007, and a young lady named Caitlin Upton had just made a damn fool of herself on national television when, in the Miss Teen USA pageant, she answered a question in a not-very-smart way.

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News

Felicity Huffman, Lori Loughlin Cast As Indictees In Gross College Bribe Scam

Are the moms the only ones arrested for kid-related fraud?

Federal prosecutors charged 50 people today in a nationwide college admissions bribery and cheating scam. This includes Felicity Huffman from "Desperate Housewives" and Aunt Becky from "Full House." That's probably the specific reason we care.

The suspects allegedly paid bribes of up to $6 million to get their kids into elite colleges, including Yale, Stanford, Georgetown and USC.

Those are some prestigious, elite institutions ... and USC. It's not that hard to get into USC. You just pay them.

In most cases, the students did not know their admission was contingent on a bribe.

Dumb, rich kids are probably arrogant enough to think they are New Haven material. You can't help but feel sorry for the ones who applied to USC. They probably thought their grades and test scores were decent enough for them to get in without their parents breaking federal law.

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White Nonsense

Child Rape Apologist Tucker Carlson Also Said Some Racist Sh*t. In Other News, Sky Blue.

More unearthed audio reveals Tucker Carlson saying incredibly racist things, as he is known to do.

On Monday night, Media Matters released a second set of recordings from Tucker Carlson's appearances on the Bubba the Love Sponge show, all of which were incredibly racist and would be very shocking, had they been said by almost anyone who wasn't Tucker Carlson. (The child-rape defenses were covered the day before.) There is a reason why all the neo-Nazis swoon over Tucker Carlson, and it's not because of his fashion sense. It is because he says the exact same things they do, every weeknight on national television.

In this second set of recordings, Carlson shared his feelings on a variety of subjects. On immigration, he said that all immigrants should be required to be "hot" or "smart," because "picking lettuce" won't help us build a stronger country years from now. Tucker Carlson, of course, would not be shit if it hadn't been for people working on farms -- he owes everything to the fact that his stepmommy was the Swanson frozen dinners heiress.

He also noted that white men "created civilization," a popular white supremacist talking point (and lie), called Iraqis "semiliterate primitive monkeys" whom he does not care about because they don't use "toilet paper" or "forks," claimed that the Congressional Black Caucus exists to unfairly "blame the white man" for everything, and shared a variety of incredibly racist thoughts about Barack and Michelle Obama.

Let's go to the tape, shall we?

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Post-Racial America

Nancy Pelosi Punches Trump In Face For Entire Length Of Washington Post Interview

She doesn't even bother to say his name.

There's been a lot of fuss over Monday's Washington Post interview with Nancy Pelosi. Although a metric ton of Democrats want to impeach Donald Trump, the House Speaker officially declared it a waste of time.

PELOSI: Impeachment is so divisive to the country that unless there's something so compelling and overwhelming and bipartisan, I don't think we should go down that path, because it divides the country. And he's just not worth it.

"He's just not worth it" is such delicious shade it should appear on a t-shirt or a mug. People are misinterpreting this as Pelosi going soft and promoting foolish bipartisan harmony. No, she just has a brain in her head. The eyes in her head have also witnessed Republicans shamelessly cover for Trump and protect him even when his former personal lawyer testified to what a sleaze he is. Robert Mueller's final report probably won't change the world. It's not a new Harry Potter novel.

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Culture

It's Like Yelp, But For Chickensh*t Trump Snowflakes Who Need Their Mommy

Are you a HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS Trump voter, but you're scared of getting murdered all the time every time you try to go out to dinner? There's an app for that!

Are you a conservative who likes to go to the Olive Garden for luxurious fine dining but you're scared you will get persecuted to death by an antifa while your head is balls deep in a bucket of bottomless breadsticks?

Are you a Trump-voting lady who likes to go to the TJ Maxx bargain emporium to find all the latest bargains, but you are rightfully scared a lib will see that discounted Vera Bradley clutch in your hand, the one you FINDERS KEEPERS-ED before they did, but you won't get to take it home because the lib will say "By the power of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, I do socialism redistribution to that clutch you found, MINE MINE MINE"?

Are you a godly manly butch Trump man who is too chickenshit to go to the Big Lots without his substitute penis appendage, AKA "gun"?

Are you longing for a place where nobody says "Cool 4-cylinder Mustang, you loser Nazi," but you know they are being sarcastic when they say "cool"?

Have you had winner winner chicken dinners pried out of your cold dead hands?

Thank heterosexual Caucasian Jesus, because there is an app for you! It is called 63red Safe, which makes no sense at all and we are just going to skip right over that, and it is just a good thing to have if you are a HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS Trump voter wearing a MAGA hat who just knows if they go to the Cracker Barrel, they will meet certain death/persecution/eyerolls.

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News

David Frum On Immigration: A Polished, SFW Version Of A Tucker Carlson Rant

Hey Dems, just give Trump what he wants for, you know, DEMOCRACY!

David Frum argues in the April issue of The Atlantic that "the political rise of Donald Trump has radicalized many of his opponents on immigration." Conservatives often lament that Trump's extreme views have caused an equal and opposite reaction from Democrats. For instance, the Trump administration callously locks up immigrant children and Democrats politely suggest we maybe not do that. It's really getting out of hand.

Frum specifically singles out presidential candidates Julian Castro, Kamala Harris, and Kirsten Gillibrand. Castro supports a pathway to citizenship for all immigrants currently living in the US illegally. That wacky idea was part of the bipartisan "Gang of Eight" reform bill that died in 2013, back when Trump was safely still a reality TV host. Harris refused to reopen the government unless Dreamers were protected, but the Dream Act also predates Trump. Now, Gillibrand did denounce ICE as a "deportation force," which is probably a reaction to a lot of crappy stuff they've done under Trump. Frum pats Gillibrand on the head and wonders how the silly senator thinks we could ever enforce border security without a "deportation force." Gillibrand's actual views were more more complex than that.

Somehow, these measured positions are so far outside the mainstream that they risk driving Americans to embrace Trump's totalitarian fascism. Sure, fine, whatever.

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Post-Racial America

Judge Jeanine Too Bigotty Even For Fox

Pirro accuses Rep. Ilhan Omar of dual loyalty.

Saturday, during the opening monologue of her Fox News show, "Judge" Jeanine Pirro took aim at the Right's current favorite target, the "very scary" Rep. Ilhan Omar. She wondered what set the congresswoman apart from others in the "Democrat Party," who she believed aren't collectively "anti-Israel" like she claims Omar is. Pirro suggested the answer rested on top of Omar's pretty Muslim head.

PIRRO: Think about it. Omar wears a hijab, which according to the Quran 33:59, tells women to cover so they won't get molested. Is her adherence to this Islamic doctrine indicative of her adherence to Sharia law, which in itself is antithetical to the United States Constitution?

Pirro is presumably a judge of more than just beauty pageants and hot-dog eating contests. She should understand that the First Amendment of the Constitution protects the right of a Muslim politician or even a random American citizen to wear a hijab, a yarmulke, or even a nun's wimple. Pirro basically accused Omar of having a "dual loyalty," which is the exact same anti-Semitic trope everyone has denounced Omar herself for invoking.

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News

IT'S ALL FINE. Wonkagenda For Mon., March 11, 2019

Trump's bigass budget, the horse race for 2020, and Erik Prince miiiight have lied to congress. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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