Dense Pence. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Dec. 6, 2018
The spies who loved Trump, more Republican election fraud, and Parliament airs Facebook's dirty laundry. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Ross Douthat Oozing Stupid, Racist Thoughts About George H.W. Bush All Over NYT
Time to send Wonkette your New York Times money again!
Ross Douthat is getting a lot of heat for his column in today's New York Times (not gonna link it -- wouldn't be prudent). It's as overwrought and stupid as ever but more racist than usual. Douthat wonders if all "the nostalgia flowing since the passing of George H.W. Bush" (told you it was overwrought) is because "we" miss WASPs because "we" feel "that their more meritocratic and diverse and secular successors rule us neither as wisely nor as well." Douthat is very presumptuous in his use of "we." As someone who qualifies as "diverse" and "secular," I don't believe I'm responsible for America's decline ... or not solely, at least.
Based on my Facebook feed, Bush nostalgia seems connected more to Dana Carvey's impersonation of him on "Saturday Night Live," but maybe folks genuinely miss a politician who caved repeatedly to the right wing and famously broke campaign promises. There apparently are no politicians like this anymore. Douthat, of course, is not talking about Bush's actual deeds but his manner. He was the last truly WASP president, if you exclude his son, George W. Bush, which everyone insists on doing. W. Bush attended boarding school in Andover, Massachusetts, where he was a cheerleader, before his family name got him into Yale and Harvard. But he has a Texas accent so he's not some elitist like Barack Obama.
What's so good about WASPs and the days when they ruled the earth like boat-shoe wearing dinosaurs? Was it their throwing back gin-and-tonics while snarling at the help at the club? Douthat is kind enough to tell us in words that were clearly not read by human eyes or edited into coherent thoughts.
Meghan McCain Being A Very Rude Bitchface To Whoopi And Joy, Because She Is Rude
Hi Civility Police? Please lock her up!
Meghan McCain is considered to be a bit of an -- how shall we put this -- "entitled b***hface" by those who are unfortunate enough to have to work with her on a regular basis. She often looks like she stepped out of a nursery rhyme, or maybe some type of horrible "I was abused by boredom so I murdered a guy" feel-good movie on Lifetime. Or possibly even that show "Snapped!" you've never bothered to watch that your Mom thinks you may end up on.
Meghan McCain is also super fucking rude.
I Like Money. You Like Money Too? Wonkagenda For Wed., Dec. 5, 2018
Michael Flynn flips, Trump ruins Christmas, and North Carolina gets crazy. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Milo Yiannopoulos Is Broke As Sh*t
Deplatforming works!
Once he built a tower made of repurposed 4chan garbage, shit and drivel and bile. Once he built a tower, now it's done. Brother, can you spare a dime ... for Milo Yiannopoulos?
Just kidding. Hold onto your dimes. He doesn't deserve them. He is, however, broke as shit and $2 million in debt, owing money to several fellow internet bigots, Cartier, a wedding venue and a variety of other sources, per The Guardian:
The documents indicate that as of April 2018, Yiannopoulos owed $1.6m to his own company, $400,000 to the Mercers, $153,215 to his former lawyers, $76,574 to former collaborator and Breitbart writer Allum Bokhari, and $20,000 to the luxury jewellery brand Cartier.
As of 2 October, Yiannopoulos owed sums of several thousand dollars to far right writers including Ian Miles Cheong, anti-Islamic ideologue Pamela Geller and science fiction writer Theodore Beale, aka Vox Day, the documents indicate, amongst others.
The documents obtained by The Guardian were published on the website of another far-right wacko, Neil Erikson, who was somehow involved with the drama between Yiannopoulos and the promoters of his planned tour to Australia alongside Ann Coulter. The tour was canceled in October of this year, and refunds were not given. Rather, ticketholders were given tickets to go see the equally repulsive duo of Tommy Robinson and Gavin McInnes. Of course, that too has since fallen through, as McInnes was recently denied entry to Australia after having being judged to have "bad character" (NOT WRONG), so probably now they will just get tickets to see someone's weird racist uncle in conversation with a guy who screams about socialism outside of a subway entrance. Same diff!
Don't Cry For Him Argentina. Wonkagenda For Mon., Dec. 3, 2018
Really, he's always like this.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Really, Neil DeGrasse Tyson?
America's favorite astronomer has been accused of sexual harassment by two women.
Today in why we should never place any heavy bets on which notable men we don't think will get accused of being sex creeps news, astronomer Neil DeGrasse Tyson has been accused of sexual harassment by two women in his field. Of course, this doesn't come as that much of a surprise, as musician Tchiya Amet has long asserted that she was drugged and raped by Tyson when they were in graduate school together at the University of Texas, Austin.
Alaska House Control Down To Tied Race With Uncounted 'Mystery' Ballot (Marked For The Dem)
MOTHERFUCKER THAT WAS A FOR REAL EARTHQUAKE.
Welcome to Alaska! A state where elections are won by dead people via a coin toss that they were not alive to shout out "Heads!" for. So, don't get happy, we only visit the Last Frontier when we have a situation where, once again, Alaska behaves like Florida's frigid northern cousin and completely fucks up an election. As an Alaska resident -- yes, I live here. Yes, I'm cold --I expect nothing but pure fuckery anytime Alaska starts trending in the news.
You are now very curious about just why there seems to be a bit of negativity, yes? Well, have you ever had control of your state legislature come down to ONE BALLOT that hasn't been counted because someone happened to find it just chillin somewhere on a precinct table, leading to a bunch of adults spending weeks deciding whether to count it, not count it, open it, not open it, or just say fuck it and have an asteroid hit the earth so nobody had to make a decision? Welcome to Alaska!! It's dumber than Florida.
Sinclair Broadcasting: Our Insane 'Must-Run' Rants? Those Are *Someone Else's* Insane 'Must Run' Rants!
We are shocked, shocked at these things we find ourselves saying!
You may recall the wee bit of outrage this spring when anchors at local TV affiliates owned by Sinclair Broadcasting were forced to read the very same editorial script as if it were the anchors' own opinions. Even Donald Trump made fun of the fake news, at least until he learned the Sinclair stations were also running pre-taped pro-Trump messages. Many of them even featured shitcanned former Trump White House staffer Boris Epshteyn, aka "Oh yeah, he's a different shitcanned Trump staffer than Seb Gorka." This week, Sinclair was at it again, mandating that its more than 100 stations run an Epshteyn segment praising Dear Leader for tear-gassing women and children at the border, because after all, the few dozen migrants (out of several thousand asylum seekers) who were arrested breaking through border fences Sunday was an "invasion," just like D-Day, and you wouldn't expect the USA to let an invading foreign army wade ashore without shooting back, would you?
Jerome Corsi Determined To Throw Himself Under This Bus
And he's taking Roger Stone with him.
JEROME CORSI, CALL YOUR LAWYER!
Oh, your lawyer is Larry Klayman? Well, that explains how you wound up screwing yourself in spectacular fashion last night on live television. Ari Melber's ratings are forever in your debt, sir!
When last we left our birther freak show antihero, he was offering up evidence of a conspiracy to help Roger Stone lie to Congress. Stone is still doggedly insisting that Jerome Corsi's "research memo" prompted his August 2016 tweet that Clinton campaign manager John Podesta's "time in the barrel" was coming -- despite the fact that Corsi and Stone cooked that memo up after the fact when they realized they'd shit the bed by admitting they knew what Assange had. But it's okay, you guys, because lying to Congress is just politics. It's not a lie, it's REPOSITIONING.
I've been trained in public relations by Edward Bernays. British Petroleum becomes BP, and now they're Beyond Petroleum. Is that a lie? It's a repositioning. In politics there's a lot of repositioning that goes on. If that were a lie and people were guilty of a crime for doing that, there'd hardly be a politician alive today.
Corsi claims to have been granted immunity for admitting this lie to the grand jury. Would that be use immunity, meaning they can still convict him if they can prove his guilt with other evidence? Or transactional immunity, meaning he can never be charged for it? Only his lawyer knows! Did we mention his lawyer is Larry Freaking Klayman? LOL!
New York Times JUST CAN'T STOP Sh*tting On Nancy Pelosi!
You're right, NYT, she's no Paul Ryan!
The House Democratic Caucus voted Wednesday to nominate Nancy Pelosi for a second tour of duty as speaker. This was perhaps the most foregone of foregone conclusions. Pelosi's opponents in the House still think they can block her on the floor but they're morons. I'm not the next speaker so I said that less diplomatically than Pelosi would, but that's the sentiment clearly expressed in a comment longtime Pelosi foe Kathleen Rice actually went around repeating.
RICE: Nancy Pelosi said it herself: Power is not given to you. You have to take it. And that's what this effort is all about.
Basically, Pelosi told Rice that she's a fool if she thinks that some ragamuffin Democrats are going to bully her into stepping down and giving them a clear, unobstructed path to power. If they want her gavel, then make their move. Otherwise they can get lost.
Note how Pelosi is such a political Svengali she has Rice quoting her cold diss like it's some ancient Chinese secret: "Like Confucius says, I'm a big moron with a big stupid head."
Hard Rain's Gonna Fall. Wonkagenda For Thurs., Nov. 29, 2018
Robert Mueller's hunting rat fuckers, Republicans run from the Saudis, and Julian Assange lost his cat. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Diamond and Silk's New Show Will Embarrass America And That's The Point
It's literally their job.
Those crafty, country, churchifying embarrassments to Black America and White America simultaneously, Diamond and Silk -- aka Zircon and Rayon -- are back once again to leverage their "fame" in order to make some more sweet sweet profits. And it's all thanks to their beloved Mr. Trump. He sure has fucked the world up, huh? Yeah.
Now, before you ask yourselves, "Why the fuck should I even give a shit about those garbage women?" we will remind you that they are one half of all of the black people Trump has helped get jobs (FACT). Apparently, it is YOUR job to be very impressed with their new show, or possibly to not be impressed because you will never pay $5.99 to watch ANYTHING created by Fox News. And your Old Dad probably can't figure out the paypal.
'I Looked Like Elvis.' Wonkagenda For Tues., Nov. 27, 2018
Mueller is going to lock up Manafort, DHS goes 'batshit crazy,' and House Republicans start scheming. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Fox News Just Paying White House Comms Director Directly, Cool Cool Cool
Bill Shine is fine.
Bill Shine is that particular wealthy, laughing, super white, arrogantly sneering asshole who was once a wealthy, super white, arrogantly sneering asshole who worked for Fox News. He had a cushy job as their actual Co-President with that creepy ass Roger Ailes, the guy who looked like patient zero from our next pandemic. Apparently Bill Shine really sucked ass at that job, so is it any wonder that Trump hired him to be his 107th communications director? Rhetorical question, kids, we all know that Trump has one purpose only: to fuck America the fuck up by hiring shitty ass people because of that time WE ALL LAUGHED AT HIM when Obama made a few jokes. Seriously.
Maybe Bill Shine was terrible at his Fox job. Maybe he covered up a "few" sexual harassment claims. Maybe he got shitcanned from Fox because he was shitty at his job. Maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't be working for America. We do not see why he deserves ANY dollars for helping rapey men at Fox get away with all of the raping, but he will be getting millions of dollars from Fox News nonetheless -- and WHILE he works at the White House. Gee, is that bad?
Charlottesville 'Alt-Right' Murderer Leading Rightwing Terrorist Vanguard
The trial of James Alex Fields starts today.
The trial of James Alex Fields, the sniveling asshole who murdered 32-year-old Heather Heyer and injured several others with his car at the Charlottesville "Unite The Right" rally last year, begins today. Fields, who has been in jail since the attack, is pleading not guilty to charges of first degree murder, despite the fact that there is actual video evidence of him driving his Dodge Challenger into the crowd, backing up and speeding back into it.
The trial is expected to last for three weeks, though what his defense is even going to be is unknown. Whatever it is, let's hope no one buys it because he deserves to be in jail for a million years.
Heyer's murder is part of a general uptick in right-wing violence across America. A recent report from the Global Terrorism Database revealed that two-thirds of all terrorist attacks in 2017 were motivated by right-wing extremism. Last year, there were 37 right-wing terrorist attacks, 11 left-wing terrorist attacks, and 6 attacks linked to Islamic extremism. The attacks from right-wing extremists were also more likely to be fatal.
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