Wonkette Is Now A Kamala Harris 2020 Fanblog
Stop in the name of the law! And buy these Kamala 2020 T-shirts we made you ourselves!
What's up fuckers? Were you waiting for me to come back from Mexico and write words at ya? Well, you know I don't write words at ya anymore, because of how I hate you, each, individually, but more importantly Trump has knocked all the words right out of my silly little lady brain.
Master Of Disguise! Wonkagenda For Thurs., Nov. 15, 2018
Trump is a lunatic, Nancy Pelosi prepares for battle, and Facebook really shits the bed. Your morning news brief!
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Mitch McConnell Is A Shifty-Eyed Goobledonker (Also His Op-Ed Sucks)
He really is a clueless dork too.
If the world was a reasonable place, it would be entirely illegal to be as self -serving and full of shit as Mitch McConnell. In a desperate and pitiful play to shame Democrats into folding over like a bunch of beach chairs and coalescing around the Trump Train, that shifty-eyed turtle-faced goobledonker (I made that up and it fits, use it) decided to write himself an op-ed. Wait until you get a load of the title of his masterful self-own, you ready? Ok, here it is: "Will Dems work with us, or simply put partisan politics ahead of the country?"
Are you dead yet? Many of us Democrats saw that headline and keeled over from the hell-ified audacity of Mr. Dorkface Obstruction Man trying to project his shit onto us. We can't be the only ones who remember a certain senator (surprise, it was Mitch McConnell!) saying his main goal was to make Obama a one-term president while he did everything he could to obstruct the Democrats. Oh yeah, and also MERRICK FUCKING GARLAND.
CNN: Give Jim Acosta Back His Press Pass Or HE WILL KILL AGAIN
OK maybe they're just suing the Trump administration over how it's being all fascist and shit.
CNN is suing Donald Trump, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and others in an attempt to get Jim Acosta's press credentials restored. CNN attorneys argue that whatever lame excuse the White House fabricated about his beating an intern to death with a microphone, the real reason Trump suspended his White House pass was plain old not liking CNN's coverage, and that there is an unconstitutional violation of the First Amendment.
Wingnuts Finding 'Midterm Vote Fraud' In Their Breakfast Cereal
The most intense minds on the internet are hard at work.
The freakout over "widespread" but surprisingly difficult to specify "fraud" in the counting of last week's remaining votes has the wingnuttosphere in a tizzy, with Chief Wingnut Donald Trump tweeting early Monday morning that the Democrats are such huge cheats that really, they should just stop counting the ballots and declare Republicans the winners, which is of course exactly how elections work. The most impressive aspect of this red tide of "fraud" claims is that nobody making them has managed to find any actual stolen votes to report to law enforcement. Instead, they saw changing vote tallies between the partial results from Election Night and a week later, when most or all the ballots have been counted, and then they point and scream like evil pod-damned Donald Sutherland at the end of Invasion of the Body Snatchers (spoiler from 1978).
Kellyanne Conway Knows Who Is An Idiot, And It Is Her Husband
Oh boy.
Hello Wonks! With cabinet members getting terminated by Trump faster than his likely (ALLEGED!) unprotected sex induced pregnancies, we figured we'd check in with Kellyanne Conway, who will never leave, to see what she's been up to the past couple of days. Spoiler: she thinks her husband is an idiot.
Conway made multiple appearance on the Sunday shows to spin the "truth" on Trump's replacement of Confederate Keebler Elf Jeff Sessions ...
Senator Sinema. Wonkagenda For Tues., Nov. 13, 2018
Sinema wins Arizona election, Trump's just going to "You're Fired" everyone, and the Facebook tries to fix its shitshow. Your morning news brief.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Trump's European Vacation. Wonkagenda For Mon., Nov. 12, 2018
World leaders rain on Trump's parade, ICE is detaining even more people, and Democrats are loading their subpoena cannon. Your morning news brief.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Florida Recount Happening, Andrew Gillum Unconcedes. Hooray!
Also this is your OPEN THREAD!
Nice time! Florida's Secretary of State has ordered a recount of the votes in four races, including both the very close Senate and Gubernatorial races -- meaning that we still have a good chance to not have to see Rick Scott's scary Bat Boy/Voldemort/Doom from Roger Rabbit/Dr. Leekie from Orphan Black face anymore.
Via CNBC:
Florida will hold a machine recount of votes in its neck-and-neck races for the U.S. Senate and governor, with results due by 3 p.m. ET (2000 GMT) on Thursday, its secretary of state said on Saturday.
The two contests, along with those for governor in Georgia and for the U.S. Senate in Arizona, are the most high-profile races still undecided after Tuesday's congressional elections.
In Florida's election for the U.S. Senate, Republican Governor Rick Scott had seen his lead narrow over incumbent Democratic U.S. Senator Bill Nelson to about 12,500 votes, or 0.15 percent, by Saturday afternoon.
In response to this news, the extremely handsome and bad ass Democratic candidate for Governor Andrew Gillum has officially retracted his concession. YAY!
Gillum is also not falling for the "it's embarrassing" line Republicans are trying to push in order to avoid a full vote count. This is so good!
Again, I love this so much. It's a certain kind of fearlessness that Democrats have not shown in... pretty much in my entire lifetime. There's always been this undercurrent of "If we are just meek enough, if we are just bland enough, the Republicans for whom the party has gone 'too far' will come to our side. If we do what they say, they'll be less mean to us!" and apparently some people have finally figured out that's NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. They have searched for all the 'thank you notes' they thought they were going to receive and found them to be entirely non-existent. This gives me hope for a lot of things (number one being not trying to run John fucking Kerry in 2020) in the future.
In other nice time news, Rihanna has officially banned Donald Trump from being able to use her music at campaign stops.
Via LA Times:
Rihanna is strengthening her resolve against President Trump and now has the backing of performing rights company Broadcast Music Inc., which has notified the Trump campaign that it should discontinue use of her music at events.
BMI has removed the Barbadian songstress' work from a blanket license agreement used for campaigns. In this case, the so-called "political entities license" was an agreement with Donald J. Trump for President Inc., giving the campaign license to play her work.
The move comes just after RiRi's lawyer sent the White House a cease-and-desist letterearlier this week upon learning that Trump played her 2007 hit "Don't Stop the Music" at a rally in Chattanooga, Tenn., over the weekend.
I really do love it every time this happens. Truly. I want to see them reduced to only being able to play Ted Nugent and Pat Boone forever. Or, perhaps....
Scott Baio - "What Was In That Kiss" Golden Throats! (Merv Griffin Show 1982) youtu.be
Apologies if you did not previously know this existed, or how incredibly bad it was. Feel free to yell at me in the comments, because this is your open thread!
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Why Does Trump Keep Going Full Racist On Black Women Reporters? Oh Well Guess We'll Never Know
IT IS A MYSTERY.
When the White House revoked CNN reporter Jim Acosta's hard pass, Sarah Huckabee Sanders's "lie-splanation" was that Acosta had "mistreated" a woman intern when he resisted her attempts to mug him, and if there's anything Donald Trump's administration won't tolerate, it's mistreatment of women. Unless they're reporters or, worse, black women reporters. Then it's game on!
The Porn Star, The Playmate, The President And His Pecker. Just Look At This Passel Of Putzes!
Trump and David Pecker knew EXACTLY what they were doing. LOCK THEM UP!
There are lies, damn lies, and there's EVERY LYIN' SUMBITCH IN DONALD TRUMP'S ORBIT! The Wall Street Journal just dropped a huge connect-the-dots piece on the secret plan in Trumpland to use the National Enquirer's checkbook to bury stories of all the ladies Trump bumped his orange uglies against. And, with apologies to Popehat and Bing Crosby, it's beginning to look a lot like RICO!
It all started back in 2015, when serial philanderer Donald Trump decided he'd goose his brand by running for president. Being a dirty old perv, he knew there were endless women with stories about him that might give the church ladies heartburn. (Or not.) Luckily, he had a friend at the National Enquirer who'd been disappearing stories about him since the '90s.
Michelle Obama Said A Mean About Donald Trump And Made Him Cry
God, we love this woman.
Michelle Obama has written a memoir, Becoming, that you should all pre-order right now so you can rejoice in the majesty of her life. She's always been real, unlike the current cubic zirconia first lady, so you might wonder how much real-er she can manage to be. Well, Obama easily ascends to the top of the Cheryl Lynn scale of realness when she reveals that she suffered a miscarriage 20 years ago that left her feeling "lost" and "alone." She also shares for the first time that both her daughters, Malia and Sasha, were conceived through in vitro fertilization.
BLUE WAVE, Y'ALL! Wonkagenda For Fri., Nov. 09, 2018
Everybody hates Matthew Whittaker, ANOTHER Florida recount, and Tucker Carlson clutches his pearls. Your morning news brief.
Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.
Ted Nugent Being Subtle Again
Guess he'd know from shitholes.
Ted Nugent, a native of Michigan, took to Facebook Wednesday to express his displeasure at the Badger Chevrolet Wolverine State for electing a whole bunch of Democrats, and maybe one Democrat in particular if you know what he means and we think you do.
Fox News Cancels Caravan 'Crisis,' Re-Declares War On Jim Acosta And Sharks And Happy Holidays And ...
These guys are shameless
Good news, everyone! Carol's lake house in Minnesota has checked in "safe" on Facebook from that awful caravan crisis, which unlike what conservatives think about climate change was definitely man-made. You probably recall the story about the Marie Antoinette of Minnesota whom Donald Trump had scared even more shades of white about an invading army of hostile poor people. This "caravan of migrants" would not stop until it reached a state that is only habitable for human life for about two weeks in May. Then would come the raping and pillaging in an undetermined order until even innocent lake houses were "occupied."
Mr. Trump's dystopian imagery has clearly left an impression with some. Carol Shields, 75, a Republican in northern Minnesota, said she was afraid that migrant gangs could take over people's summer lake homes in the state.
"What's to stop them?" said Ms. Shields, a retired accountant. "We have a lot of people who live on lakes in the summer and winter someplace else. When they come back in the spring, their house would be occupied."
What's to stop "them"? Absolutely nothing ... that isn't, say, a midterm election that happened Tuesday! The caravan probably packed it in on Wednesday, because what's the point? All eligible voters have been terrified. Turns out the caravan didn't contain gang members after all but just the electoral version of the creatures from Monsters, Inc. who live on fear.
Jim Acosta Nudged White House Intern To Death, But She Got Better
White House now literally distributing fake news. But we still see Trump crapping all over the Mueller investigation.
After yesterday's completely fuckbonkers press conference with Donald Trump, the White House announced it was suspending press credentials for CNN's Jim Acosta. Acosta had angered the Great Man by asking too many questions yesterday, including one where he challenged Trump's characterization of Central American asylum seekers as an "invasion," and, after Trump told him to sit down and shut up, another in which he asked about the pipe bombs sent to CNN, which prompted Trump to say, "When you report fake news, you are the enemy of the people." Not that Trump was condoning violence, because Trump would never do such a thing except when he fantasizes about punching protesters in the face or declares a congressman who body-slammed a reporter for asking a question "my kind of guy."
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