Meet America's Newest Loser Presidential Candidate!

She's earnest like John Edwards and a "fresh face" like Barack Obama, minus the cigarette-stained teeth and madrassa indoctrination. It's far more likely she'll be elected King Jesus Christ than elected president of the United States -- putting her in the same class as Tom Vilsack and Duncan Hunter and Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich -- but the scrappy newcomer is all smiles and optimism.

Making the same mistake that Hillary made back in 1993, Susie Flynn is a one-issue politician: health care, health care, health care. Especially for children without health insurance. Susie seems to think this is a big deal, especially because she is actually a nine-year-old girl.

Well, sure, but YOU are not the solution ... you're part of the problem! - Wonkette

Here is a lesson, Susie: You can't even vote, let alone run for president. Presidents must be a) named Bush or Clinton, b) outrageously rich and corrupt, and c) probably linked to the Nazis. And your sad children without health insurance? Even if they weren't so sickly and weak, they still couldn't vote. There are "Two Americas," as Edwards says, and those 9 million uninsured poor kids are definitely in the second one (the poor one). Please leave presidential campaigns to the pros: evil treacherous scumbags like James Carville and Karl Rove and Lee Atwater and Mary Matalin.

But it's great to see at least one little girl in America who still dreams of being the biggest asshole in the world.

Elect Susie Flynn


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