Meet Daniel Goldman, The Dashing Young Buck Adam Schiff Just Hired To Kick Trump's Ass

In case you haven't noticed, the new Democratic Congress is fucking serious about breaking its foot off in Donald Trump's ass. This week alone, House Oversight Committee Chair Elijah Cummings has been giving the White House hell on the ill-advised security clearances possessed by Prince Jared and Princess Ivanka; House Judiciary Committee Chair Jerry Nadler sent out81 letters to Trumpworld figures demanding documents on about a thousand subjects involving probable Trump-Russia crimes and Trump-America crimes and whatever other crimes Trump has done, wherever he did them; House Financial Services Committee Chair Maxine Waters has had her investigators up in New York working with Deutsche Bank on getting Trump crime dirt; and Congress is just getting started! And hell, that's before we even mention all the avenues of inquiry into Trump crime that opened up in Michael Cohen's public testimony to the Oversight committee, as well as his closed door testimonies to the House Intelligence Committee, which are continuing this week. In short, they are BUSY.

On that note, and speaking of the House Intelligence Committee, let's talk about the dashing gentleman pictured above! His name is Daniel Goldman, and Intel Committee Chair Adam Schiff has just hired him to be the lead investigator for the newly resurrected investigation into Russian election interference and Trump and his associates' inappropriate treasoning with Russia. You might recognize Goldman from his many appearances as a legal analyst for NBC News and MSNBC.

Goldman is the real deal, and he's scary smart. First of all, he's a former prosecutor (2007 to 2017) from the Southern District of New York, AKA Donald Trump's Worst Nightmare. He also has a background prosecuting Russian organized crime, not that we imagine that's in any way relevant to the committee's investigation into Trump.

As deputy chief of the organized-crime section of the Manhattan U.S. Attorney's office, Goldman supervised the prosecution of more than thirty defendants accused of racketeering, gambling, and money laundering. During his decade in the office, Goldman convicted individuals associated with Russian organized crime of securities fraud and health-care fraud, and convicted leading figures in the Genovese crime family of racketeering and murder.

Racketeering? Money laundering? Fraud? Crime families? MURRRRRRDER?

Yeah, we think Goldman will fit in just fine, and also we cannot wait to hear what nickname Donald Trump decides to call him on Twitter, as soon as Sean Hannity catches wind of who Goldman is and decides to devote an entire week of shows to how Goldman and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez are conspiring with Hillary Clinton to steal your cows and harness their cow farts to heat the nonexistent #PizzaGate basement.

Law & Crime collected a few of Goldman's tweets, which show that he is a man who knows exactly what kind of criminal freakshows he's dealing with when it comes to Trump, his family, and his friends:

He's, like, really shy.

As you can also see in the picture above, back when Megyn Kelly had her show "Blackface Is Cool Unless Your Name Is Jesus Or Santa," Goldman sometimes came on as a panelist, because while Kelly was in the peacock's employ, LOTS of serious MSNBC/NBC journalists and analysts got snookered/cajoled into doing dumb crap on her money pit of a television program.

So here's Goldman's cute story about what happened when he got engaged and stuff.

Panel On Engagement Stories: 'It's Never Too Soon To Start The Life You Want' | Megyn Kelly


Anyway, if you were wondering how much of the reason we wrote this article is because we think Dan Goldman is cute and we have a #LegalAnalystCrush on him, that is just a very inappropriate question to ask a serious journalist such as ourselves, and the answer is "probably two-thirds of the reason, we dunno?"

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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