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Meet Terrifying Pennsylvania GOP Crime Family 'The Orie Sisters'

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Hey, The Wire, would you like to come back on the television set, but ran out of every kind of scumbag hero society could possibly hold? Have you met Allegheny County'sthe Orie sisters, who are all either on trial now or already convicted felons for misusing their state Senate and state Supreme Court offices, and also forgery and (we're just spitballing here) probably murder and twincest?


Convicted Pennsylvania state Sen. Jane Orie stepped down from her seat Monday, a few days after her state Supreme Court justice sister was charged with similar allegations she used taxpayer-funded staff for campaigns.

The Allegheny County Republican submitted her resignation in a letter to Senate President Joe Scarnati dated Friday , the same day Justice Joan Orie Melvin was charged with using her Superior Court staff for campaign work during two bids for a seat on the high court.

LADIES, LADIES! STOP CRIME-SPREEING PENNSYLVANIA!

Most notably, [Jane] Orie was convicted of forging documents she introduced to defend herself at her first campaign corruption trial last year, which ended in mistrial in March 2011 when [Allegheny County Judge Jeffrey] Manning agreed with prosecutors that one document in particular was so blatantly faked that "even Ray Charles" could see it.

Hahahohoho, apparently Allegheny County Judge Jeffrey Manning is tired of being an Allegheny County Judge, and would like to come work at Wonkette instead! But who did spot the forgery, if it wasn't Ray Charles? Could it have been this chick? (YES.)

Anyhoozles, there is also a third sister, Janine, and she is on trial too, because BLOOD is THICKER than WATER, or something equally Real Housewives of New Jersey Mafiosa.

The charges against Melvin echo those against a third sister, Janine Orie, who headed Melvin's staff on the Superior Court. Those charges are based on the grand jury testimony of other current and former Melvin staffers, including law clerks, who contend Melvin and Janine Orie directed them to perform the judicial campaign work on state time.

What say you, Wall Street Journal? Are the Orie Crime Family fingering someone, since obviously they are not to blame?

The sisters, all Republicans, say their legal troubles reflect bad blood with the Allegheny County district attorney, who is a Democrat.

Also? The gays. Nuff said.

[Philly/WSJ, via Wonkette operative Weejee]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

Giphy

SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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