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Once upon a time a man kept a stash of comically dirty photos on his web site, and then he blamed it all on his son after people discovered they could access pubic-hair shaving instructionals and similarly "shocking" images from this site. Who is this magical dingus who produced the very worst excuse for hosting a porn stash sinceMark Penn told his mom "I'm keeping that stack of Juggs for a friend"? Why, it is Chief Judge of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit and Reagan appointee Alex Kozinski, who happens to be presiding over an obscenity trial.


Actually, he has now suspended the trial for 48 hours while he figures out what to do with his own ample archive, which features the sort of naughtiness you'd find in the dirty birthday cards section at Spencer Gifts:

  • A photo of naked women on all fours painted to look like cows.
  • A video of a half-dressed man cavorting with a sexually aroused farm animal.
  • A slide show striptease featuring a transsexual.
  • A folder that contained a series of photos of women's crotches in snug-fitting clothing or underwear.
  • A photo of a young man bent over in a chair and performing fellatio on himself.
  • A graphic step-by-step pictorial in which a woman is seen shaving her pubic hair.

YAWN. Kozinski needs to take notes from the guy whose trial he's supposed to preside over: a fetish-porn maker whose hardcore videos featuring beastiality and shit hijinks has made it difficult to find a jury willing to sit through hours of nauseating "evidence review."

Also, Judge Kozinski's not-so-secret cow porn site also hosted several MP3s of Weird Al Yankovic songs. It is for this last offense that he should be hanged.

Upcoming trial will see hours of hard-core fetish pornography [Los Angeles Times]

Judge suspends L.A. obscenity trial after conceding his website had sexual images [Los Angeles Times]

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Photo by Daniel Stockman, Creative Commons license 2.0

It's Sunday, and that means it's time for a break from the ongoing grind of awfulness out there. Let's dive into some cool, funny, thoughtful stuff to fortify ourselves before we get back to the daily madness, shall we?

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After watching President Arty McDeals twist in the wind for a month, IRL politician Mitch McConnell finally decided to throw the mook a lifeline. Despite constant screaming about women with duct tape over their mouths, Trump is getting blamed for the shutdown and even his own supporters are starting to turn on him. So Ol' Yertle summoned Mike Pence and Jared Kushner to his chambers for some #RealTalk.

"Tell Donald that he has to offer something so it looks like the Democrats are the ones who won't compromise." He said. (Probably.)

"That's great," squeaked young Jared (allegedly), "Democrats are desperate. We've got them right where we want them." McConnell blinked hard.

"No, Jared," he probably said. "They're not going to take the deal. We'd have more luck getting Mexico to pay for it. The point is to offer something silly so they turn us down, and then we try to convince the public that the shutdown is Democrats' fault."

"I don't get it," said Jared (allegedly), as Mother's boy Pence furrowed his brow and sighed through his nose. (Not allegedly, it's his signature move.)

"I know," Mitch might have said. "Believe me, I know."

Which is how President Teleprompter wound up giving a MAJOR ADDRESS yesterday offering to hold off on deporting some of the Dream Act kids for a hot second if Democrats will just give him $5.7 billion for WALL and let him expel future child arrivals without a hearing. Trump himself rescinded protections for up to a million immigrants brought here as kids as soon as he took office, but he'll let some of those hostages go if Democrats will just give him cash for that WALL that Mexico is "indirectly" paying for. Heck, he'll even let 300,000 people who fled war and natural disasters and put down roots here over decades to stay a little longer, if that's what it takes. He plans to deport them all in three years anyway, or else use them for another round of hostage negotiations. (If we re-elect That Orange Idiot, spit on the ground/sign of the horns/God forbid.)

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