Meet Your New President: John Cox!

'I'm president ... I mean, I'm John Cox, and I'm runnin' for president!

Never heard of him? Neither have we, but NewsMax says John Cox is the shit. Why? Because he is awesome and will return the Republican Party back to the people who suddenly got sick of Dubya a month ago, after six years of catastrophe and more gay abortions than ever.


Dude doesn't have much (or any, actually) name recognition, but let's hear him out -- after the jump.

Take it away, Cox:

* The elites in the media and in the GOP don't want you to know about John Cox. They only want you to know about those whom they have anointed as the "front runners."

* I am the ONLY candidate who is pro-life, anti-big government, and supportive of penalties for illegal immigration, I am the ONLY candidate offering conservatives a non-RINO choice for 2008.

* I've built a 100 million dollar business on my own. That's better than what can be said of the junior Senator from New York who married a governor of Arkansas as her main road to advancement.

* I grew up on Chicago's South Side. My father left my mother when I was still a toddler. I know poverty! I know what it is like to be the child of a single-mother! I know what it is like to live in public housing! I know these things first-hand because I lived them!

* In the 1990's, John led the investment group that purchased Jays Potato Chips.

* A lot of people don't know me yet, but no one knew Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton before they ran for president either.

* But the folks who do know me in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina know that I'm no Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton!

Is this the new century's Ross Perot? Crazy rich guy from out of nowhere dispatched to do away with another failed Bush White House and hand it over to a Clinton?

Cox should just call himself John Perot just so everybody understands exactly how it works. Jesus ....

John Cox for President [Cox 2008]

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