Meet Your State's Crappy Easter Egg!
Happy Easter, everybody! This is the time of year when Our Christian Nation celebrates the execution of the Middle Eastern insurgent Jesus Al Christ with an ancient pagan fertility festival named for the goddess Eostre.
The two most precious Christian symbols of this holiest of weekends are the bunny rabbit, because all it does is fuck and eat, and the painted egg, which reminds us of where all that sperm is headed. President Bush honors our national paganism each spring with a symbolic "egg hunt" in which children (the eventual product all that human sperm) run about the lawn looking for eggs or Barney's poops.
As usual, there's a new batch of Official State Easter Eggs which will be displayed at the White House. Join us after the jump for a gallery of dubious state symbolism.
Here's a fun game: Look at the egg first and try to guess what state it's supposed to symbolize. Then, read the caption where we mock the crappy art.
Obviously, the winged ghost on skis represent Dick Cheney's state, Wyoming. Here's an idea, Wyoming: Just don't enter an egg next year. Nobody wants to see this. What'd you do, decorate this with a Sharpie in your car on the way to the White House?
Nothing says "The Jews killed Our Lord" like an American space shuttle plummeting to the Earth. This, obviously, represents Alabama.
Kudos to this artist for realizing that the only way anyone would know an egg represented Nebraska was to paint the word "Nebraska" on it.
Hey, there's a little tiny bird fetus inside this egg! Thanks for the realism, Minnesota!
If you just said, "Hey that looks like something the doctors pulled out of Trent Lott," then give yourself a racist pat on the back, because this egg is from Mississippi!
And there's a little tiny human fetus in this one, under the St. Louis Arch. Great job, Missouri ... we mean, Arkansas. WTF?
There's a little Bill Richardson inside this egg, drinking an entire pitcher of margaritas. Good work, New Mexico!
Lots more to mock over the White House site:
2007 State Easter Eggs [White House]