Meghan McCain Going Nuts Because Somebody Somewhere On the Internet Wants To Kill Himself

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Much like the earlier generations of unemployed bloggers, Meghan McCain is just so deep in the Internet right now that she's going double insane. Behold her nervous, illiterate twitters about somebody she doesn't know who may or may not exist, on the Internet, and perhaps at minimum exists on the other side of the country, typing some sadsack stuff about wanting to die. Teen-agers are hyper-emotional, Meghan, sort of like you, except you haven't been a teen-ager since your dad almost joined John Kerry's presidential ticket.


Also: Let's just pause a moment to say, Thank you, Tina Brown, for paying Meghan McCain some of your investors' money to type on the Internet.

So, what happened? Who knows! Meghan actually went outside the other day and reportedly drove recklessly and the police had to stop her and punish her for being a dangerous monster trying to kill people on the public roads, and then she just holed up with her Twitter and went progressively more nuts while reading the random twitters of other people, and next thing omg she is making her poor publicist call the Seattle police department because Meghan is the new Bat Man of the Internet, and she will save you, but sort of like if the Bat Man just made his English slave "Alfred" call various police departments when there was trouble, in Seattle.

Well, one comforting thought is that nobody, ever, has written the suicidal message "they want death." Because, you know, it would be "I want death," and even then, probably not, because .... Meghan, are you even following the English-language feed of Twitter? Because we are starting to think you've accidentally connected to the Norwegian death metal twitters. Ask your publicist to maybe check your network connections!

Anyway, about that speeding ticket: Meghan helpfully posted a photo of this encounter, which -- as per usual with Meg -- asks many more dumb questions than it answers. If she's driving, then why is the photo taken from the passenger side? Is her publicist driving? If she just leaned over to the other side of this vulgar SUV to point a camera at the highway patrolman, why? Oh, and this is New York City, eh? Where she lives, like it says on her Twitter? Not too much! This is Arizona, specifically the rocky desert highlands of Sedona, where Meg's elderly father keeps a holiday-retirement castle with many tire swings for reporters and unemployed daughters. And if a highway patrolman pulled over an obvious Mexican drug lord in a black SUV, and the drug lord was pointing a dangerous laser at the cops, why didn't these brave law-enforcement officers shoot to kill, like when Barack Obama tries to break into the White House at night after his smoke?

But maybe Megs really did save a life! Her mysterious twitter-bummer friend (Cindy?) has become so embarrassed by this whole episode that he/she decided to CHOOSE LIFE! Meghan McCain will embarrass America to greatness!

(Sorry about this whole post, really. Ugh, now how to climb out of this rabbit hole of banality?)

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