Ladies, Stop Giving Yourself Menopause, Says Professional Diagnostic Face Reader
Great news, ladies! If you only ever eat raw food, don't drink or smoke and drink enough water, you can have a baby when you are 80 years old! At least according to this ridiculous man on Twitter who somehow has over 480,000 followers!
According to Roger Bezanis, who describes himself in his bio as "Whole Food Raw Foodism Founder, Diagnostic Face Reading & Health Expert, Author, Educator, I'm not a doctor, I teach them & define the rules of health today," menopause is not a natural part of women's lives, but rather a response to "bad diet choices, toxic habits and big medicine drug accumulation."
This theory is backed up by a portrait of a woman who has eaten only raw grapes, avocados, broccoli, etc. on one side of her face, and has eaten cooked foods, alcohol and even smoked with the other. On the one side, she's twenty years old and on the other she's about 70 — which, frankly, seems like a wonderful age to not have to worry about still having kids! — and that is proof that Roger Benzanis's theories on this are correct. Also that it is probably very difficult for this woman to do her makeup.
Who would know this better than a guy who says he can look at your face and diagnose what is wrong with your health, and is probably also pretty well versed in head bumps? Some doctor? Some biologists? Some 200,000 years of human history and the personal experiences of all women who lived long enough in that time? That would just be foolish! Who listens to women anyway? What with their wandering wombs making them crazy and all. Not to mention that, according to the testimony of at least one 16th century barber surgeon, they are filled with snakes!
Benzanis is clearly a very big believer in raw foodism, especially after eating whole raw mushrooms for three weeks changed both his head shape and the filter on his camera phone. Magic!
There is so much woo in "raw foodism" — starting with the theory that cooked food is bad for you, lower in nutrients or enzymes and higher in "toxins." My personal favorite is the lady who insisted that eating raw food made her brown eyes blue, but there are also a lot of raw food people out there who essentially make the same claim about menstruation that this guy makes about menopause. They claim that, actually, getting your period is a sign that you are just filled to the brim with "toxins" and that if you eat a raw food diet, you will stop getting your period, and that will be a good thing.
"If it's so unhealthy for me to go through a period of not having my period, then why did I feel so amazing?" In a YouTube video called "How I lost my period on a RAW VEGAN Diet," vlogger Freelee the Banana Girl tells her 700,000 followers about something occasionally experienced by women who've made a big change to their eating habits: the disappearance of her period.
She says that within a month of starting a "100 percent raw vegan diet," her periods stopped and only returned after nine months, but much more lightly. But instead of being a little worried, as we might expect, she was stoked.
"I still believe that, largely, menstruation is toxicity leaving the body," she explains in her controversial video, which saw heavy criticism from some viewers and eating disorder charity Beat. "So a lot of people are having these heavy, heavy periods and painful periods because they have a toxic body or have a toxic diet."
Instead, Freelee believes a light period—or "mega light," in her words—is a healthy one, and that uncomfortable periods are "not natural," and down to a fatty or "toxic" diet.
Yeah, I know a lot of women who stopped getting their periods when they started living off of carrot sticks. It wasn't because their bodies were so wonderfully free of toxins, it was because starving themselves caused their bodies to stop producing the hormones necessary to ovulate.
Have I mentioned yet that body toxins are not a real thing? Because they're not. Detoxes don't actually do anything and may actually cause more harm than good!
Ovulation is normal. Menstruation is normal. Menopause is normal. Aging is normal. All of these things are normal and natural and are not punishment for not living on an all broccoli diet. The idea that these things are somehow aberrant or the result of "bad choices" is misogynistic as hell.
Also, I will not be taking any of this man's terrible dieting tips, because I like the shape of my head the way it is, thank you very much!
And on that we leave you with OPEN THREAD!
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse