Men's Rights Dude Primarying Susan Collins In Maine Was True Hero In War On His Wife

Welcome to 2014, O my Wonkers! It is a freakin' election year, and so here is a genuine freak: Erick Bennett of Maine, the hasn't-got-a-chance candidate for the U.S. Senate seat held by Susan Collins. Despite the state GOP's rather pointed distancing of itself from his campaign, he's pretty sure he's just the right guy to wrest power away from the three-term moderate, because she supports big gummint and tyranny and stuff, and he doesn't. Also, in one of the more impressive exercises of turd polishing we've ever seen, he insists that his 2003 conviction for assaulting his wife shows what a terrific man of integrity he is, because he knew that he was innocent and therefore didn't accept a plea bargain to a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct. And by god, he's going to bring to the Senate that same sense of fairness, justice, and absolute certainty that everybody is out to get him.

At a news conference Monday, Bennett explained how his case illustrated the erosion of essential liberties, because how could someone as innocent as him be found guilty?

“All that needs to be done is you have to repeat what you wrote down in the police report and that allows the victim to be viewed as a credible witness,” he said. “So basically, if someone writes something down, it doesn’t have to be true. All they have to do is repeat that on the stand. … That’s grounds for anyone to be convicted of domestic violence.”

Bennett fought his conviction through 2004, when the Maine Supreme Judicial Court ruled that there was no misconduct in his trial and that “sufficient evidence does exist in the record to support his conviction.” But there's a very important lesson to take away from his experience with the so-called justice system:

“The fact that I have been jailed repeatedly for not agreeing to admit to something I didn’t do should speak to the fact of how much guts and integrity I have,” he said. “If I go to D.C., I’m going to have that same integrity in doing what I say, and saying what I do, when it comes to protecting people’s rights, as well as their pocketbooks.

He is a regular Nelson Mandela, he is! Except maybe that's not such a great comparison, considering his opinion of Nelson Mandela:

But the thing to remember is that Erick Bennett will never, ever try to create a Marxist dictatorship in South Africa, because he has the courage to go to jail repeatedly for his integrity.

There are also a few other examples that suggest Mr. Bennett has a rather flexible relationship with reality. For instance, he insists that he was a paid staffer for Gov. Paul LePage's 2010 "digital team," although there are no records of his ever having been employed by the campaign, and the guy who actually ran the digital team says that "he recalled Bennett voicing his support for LePage from his own Facebook account, but said he never worked as a staffer." But Bennett has a completely clear explanation for this seeming anomaly:

“I was compensated for this, and there was a typo in the report, and my name was filed under something else, instead of my accurate name. I can’t remember what it was,” he said.

Just ask his wife, Morgan Fairchild, who he's seen naked more than once. Yeah, that's the ticket!

Bennett also is pretty darn sure that Susan Collins has been a big supporter of laws that allow victims of alleged domestic violence to get convictions against those they accuse, although no specific examples of those laws came to mind at his press conference. He said he'd definitely look that up, all right.

Also, too, Bennett insists that no one should be offended by his Facebook description of U.S. Rep Mike Michaud as a "closet homo" because as any fool knows, it's "short for HOMOsexual. It is a REAL word that in context means a person who engages in sexual activities with the SAME sex." Jeeze, why does he even have to EXPLAIN that? We can hardly wait for his exasperated defense of another word as simply a derivation of the Spanish word for "black."

But words can mean a lot of things, now can't they? For instance, just look at this description of Bennett's job, presented without a single bit of audible giggling by the Bangor Daily News;

Erick Bennett heads the Maine Equal Rights Center, a Constitutional rights group that fought against the successful ballot initiative to legalize same-sex marriage in 2012.

Heck, maybe Bennett can spin his insistence that he was "railroaded" in his domestic assault case into proof that he's an expert on transportation policy.

[Bangor Daily News / Bangor Daily News again]

Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He has several parking tickets which prove that he doesn't move his car willy-nilly just because The Man tells him he should.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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