Metro Section: A Metaphysical Can of Worms

  • John Malkovich appears on Fox and Friends, and simultaneously the hosts and entire viewing audience furrow their very confused brows. [Circle V]
  • In the immortal words of Lieutenant Dan, "I am living off the government tit! Sucking it dry!" [America Supports You]
  • Jose Guillen's girlfriend got robbed last night of $12,000 in cash. Where's the other $3,988,000, Jose? Buried under the warning track? [NBC 4]
  • Eating the granola bars out of your office emergency kit because you got hungry at 4 o'clock means the terrorists have won. [MVD Unplugged]
  • Court TV had their Washington bureau opening party last night, and reports indicate that Nancy Grace's hair actually is a helmet. [Fishbowl DC]

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