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Where is your Godzilla now?


Former Congresspastor Michele Bachmann has been playing the ol' "The Bible Is A Roadmap For History" game again, and she has some pretty fascinating predictions about what's going to happen in the Middle East any day now, as we hurtle inevitably toward the End Times. For one thing, the self-declared Islamic State is on the verge of gaining international recognition, because the world's just stupid that way, and then Russia, China, and Iran will join together to invade Israel, because apparently neither country knows that Israel has The Bomb. Oh, also, since the whole global war on Israel thing is such standard End Times dogma, why not add one more element: Barack Obama is gonna become the leader of the UN and use that position to rule the world, just the way Ban Ki Moon currently does.

In an interview with some wackaloon Christian radio show, Bachmann explained how all the baddies, especially Russia and Iran, are getting lined up to invade Israel, because the Bible says they have to:

“I believe that they are positioning themselves so that someday they could invade Israel to be able to take over the vast stores of oil and natural gas that Israel is controlling,” she said, adding that “this very unique new partnership between Iran and Russia in Syria” with the support of China “lines up with scripture.” All of these powers, she said, are seeking “a global world order to keep their game going into the future and to support them if they would invade against Israel.”

Obviously, said Bachmann, the baddie who'll be running that global world order would be Barack Obama, because if he simply leaves office after serving two terms and then sets up a foundation or some such, then what kind of mileage can fundamentalist loons get out of him then? Obama leaving office stands to be a huge financial hit for the Obama Paranoia Industry, maybe even as bad as it will be for the NRA (although they seem to manage to keep "they're coming for yer guns" fever at a consistent rate no matter who's in office).

Happily, the rightwing fringe press was able to come up with a story that should at least guarantee a few more months of Obama Panic: conspiracy website Investor's Business Daily (which has virtually nothing to do with investing or business, but does update daily) recently ran a story titled "Obama, King Of The World? It’s Quite Possible," which floated the idea that as soon as he leaves office, Obama will manipulate his way into the job of secretary general of the United Nations, which as everyone knows is a position of immense power. Oh sure, maybe only one in 20 Americans can name the UN's secretary general (the percentage was slightly higher when the job was held by Boutros Boutros-Ghali, if only because Johnny Carson enjoyed saying "Boutros" so much). But the very obscurity of the position makes it all the easier for a crooked schemer like Obama to wield enormous, sovereignty-eliminating power without anyone noticing!

Bachmann, of course, finds that possibility entirely credible, fretting that unless he's held in check by Benjamin Netanyahu, the brave president of her real favorite country, Barack Obama would become the head of an "empowered, powerful UN, powerful enough to see the United States come under the UN’s authority," because if there's anything that gets your wingnuts scared, it's that damned UN overriding U.S. sovereignty, a thing that has happened exactly as often as the government has confiscated all the guns.

Once he's taken over the UN, Obama would of course reveal that he's the Antichrist, according to Eric Barger, one of the wingnut Christiany people interviewing Bachmann:

The whole idea of Obama being able to extend his presidency, even enhance it and expand it, I don’t think I need to say what I’m thinking because I think a lot of the listeners are thinking the same thing, and we all are too, and as you shake your head you wonder what’s coming next.

It's like saying "You-Know-Who" instead of "Voldemort" -- actually speaking his true title out loud will only make Obama more powerful. As the head of the UN. In his mom jeans. These folks are really into magic words -- can't say Obama's the Antichrist, though obviously he is, and one thing that proves it is that he refuses to say "Radical Islamic Terrorism." One of these days, Obama ought to end a press conference by pulling out a wand, saying "Expecto Patronum!" and having technicians set off a really bright flashbulb.

In any case, Bachmann ended the interview with yet another warning to keep watching the skies, because Biblical prophecy is all coming true right now, and to face each day ready to warn others “with a Bible in one hand and the newspaper in the other” about the coming Apocalypse.

And yes, this woman once served on the House Intelligence Committee. Isn't America wonderful?

[RightWingWatch via RawStory]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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