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The next Fourth of July is only 363 days away! And you still don't know the Declaration of Independence, or who we declared the independence from, or anything else, really, you've never really been counted among America's "best and brightest." But this video message by the House Republicans can help you memorize that Declaration thingie by next year--in an abridged format that highlights the best parts and won't bore the crap out of everybody (the Declaration of Independence is pretty much an overly long listicle). Most inspiring is Michele Bachmann's passionate contribution to this little patriotism movie, which makes clear that she's still totally opposed to "taxation without representation" and all that other crap, and should be your model as you memorize the words.

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