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Michele Bachmann's Campaign Staffers Are All Running Away

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Well, it's official! The only presidential campaign staffers Michele Bachmann has left rounds down to about "the collection of half-empty Diet Coke cans living under Marcus Bachmann's bunk" on the tour bus: the APreports her pollster Ed Goeas, her senior adviser Andy Parrish and two other staffers are bolting the funky psycho chicken coop for, eh, something less hopeless than the withering vanity campaign of a banal narcissistic idiot who treats her six-figure government salary like unlimited paid vacation time to bark vicious nonsense into the wind.


From the AP:

The moves signal an effort to preserve money three months ahead of the first Republican nominating contests. Bachmann began July with about $3.6 million, most of which had been transferred from her congressional campaign account.

Bachmann has struggled to match her vast reach among small-dollar givers with checks near the $2,500 maximum donation. An update on her campaign's financial health is due by Oct. 15.

In other staff changes, Doug Sachtleben, a deputy press secretary, had transferred back to the congressional office after only a couple months with the campaign. So has Bachmann's scheduler, Kimberley Rubin.

In a statement released later Monday, Stewart said the moves were part of a longstanding strategy to "shift people and resources as needed."

We heard just yesterday that a stack of recycled pamphlets and a Charles Manson fanboy were all that's left of her campaign, which means that these two things will now become her new deputy press secretary and senior adviser, respectively. [AP]

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Today we are having a Very Serious Conversation about how liberals are very uncivil and mean and terrible and vulgar, because a restaurant in Virginia very nicely asked Sarah Huckabee Sanders to GTFO, due to how she is an atrocious liar who works for a fascist. (The restaurant comped the cheese plates that had already been served.) Meanwhile the president is threatening 79-year-old black congresswomen on Twitter and ripping babies away from their parents and just generally being a fascist. BOTH SIDES DO IT, ISN'T THAT RIGHT, VERY SERIOUS PUNDITS?

Point is, Sarah Huckabee Sanders is doing her first White House press briefing in a week, assuming she doesn't wuss out like she always does. Will she lie? Will she cry? Will she be a sack of shit like she always is? Most importantly, has she managed to find a meal since she was kicked out of the Red Hen? We certainly hope she's managed to find a Chick-fil-A or something, as we wouldn't want Our Sarah to be forced to give a press briefing while hangry.

Let's liveblog and see what a foul asshole SHS feels like being today:

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Last week, Nicole Arteaga of Peoria, Arizona received the devastating news from her doctor that her baby's development had stopped and that pregnancy would end in a miscarriage. Given the option of either a D&C or prescription medication, she chose to go with the prescription. Then, like all normal people do when they get a prescription, she went to a pharmacy to have it filled.

Unfortunately for her, Brian Hrenuic -- the pharmacist at the Walgreens she went to -- refused to give her that prescription, because he opposed it on "moral grounds."

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