Forget about our new mommy the prime minister of Thailand, there is a new sexy spy prime minister in town, and she is laughing it up and taking selfies with Barack Obama at Nelson Mandela's funeral and she is maybe kind of pretty if you are into "tall" and "blonde" and "pretty." You know who does not seem to be that into "tall" and "blonde" and "pretty"? Michelle Obama, that is who! That is some side-eye not seen since the one time John Boehner grabbed her ass at lunch and slurred something about shayna tushies before falling face-first into his organic grassfed triple martini lobster bisque.

Let us learn more about this interloper, shall we?

Helle Thorning-Schmidt -- if that even is her real name -- is the prime minister of Danish. She apparently thinks it is acceptable, as captured by AFP, to flirt and carry on and take selfies at funerals.

And that is all we need to know about the communist slutski up there. Even Erick Erickson points out that Michelle Obama does not flirt and carry on and take selfies at funerals, and we are gonna go with that is why she is pissed -- SHE IS SO PISSED Y'ALL -- at Barack: for taking selfies at funerals. Not for horndogging it up all over the prime minister of Danish.

(It is totally because he is horndogging it up all over the prime minister of Danish.)

Barack, your wife is right there. She is right there next to you. She has eyeballs, in her head, through which light travels after bouncing off the solid mass that is you horndogging it up all over the prime minister of Danish, maybe, we are not sure how eyeballs work. But they work somehow, and that somehow is allowing her to know, using those same eyeballs, that you are horndogging it up all over the prime minister of Danish.

At least he did not ask her boobies to stop staring at him? Oh, right, that's fucking idiotic, so nope. Barack Obama is going to Husband Jail, and then Progressive Jail, to be followed by Male Gaze Jail and Feminist Jail, but mostly he is going to #Selfiesatfunerals Jail.

[AFP's Twitter]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Just this past week, US News ranked Alabama 49th in the nation for education, with the lowest overall reading and math scores. They probably would have ranked 50th, but there was no data for their high school graduation rates.

The five states ranked best in the country for education were Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Connecticut, in that order.

Also, this week, the Alabama House passed a bill that would make it a punishable crime for doctors to refuse to treat babies "born alive" after abortion.

HB 491 reads:

If a child is born alive following an abortion or attempted abortion, the physician who performed the abortion or attempted the abortion shall exercise the same degree of professional skill, care, and diligence to preserve the life and health of the child as a reasonably diligent and conscientious physician would render to any other child born alive at the same gestational age. Failure to do so is a Class 23 B felony and is punishable by not less than 20 years in state prison and a fine of not less than one hundred thousand dollars ($100,000).

More than 90 percent of abortions occur before 13 weeks. Only 1.3 percent of abortions occur after 21 weeks. The current law in Alabama -- not the horrorshow that just passed -- prohibits abortion after 23 weeks. Premature births at 22 weeks have a 0-3 percent survival rate, and premature "births" at 21 weeks have a survival rate of 0 percent.

There are not babies being "born alive" after abortions and then left to die because no one wants them. That's not a damn thing, and even when pressed, Alabama Republicans could not come up with a single example of this having happened. They just feel in their hearts that it does.

What can happen, rarely, is a medical situation where doctors must induce labor because the mother's life is at risk. In these cases, the children are wanted, but do not always survive because -- as mentioned just one paragraph ago -- the survival rates on premature babies are not great. That being said, federal law states that as soon as someone is born, they're a person, and therefore entitled to all rights thereof. One of those rights is that no one can kill you, legally. Doctors have an obligation to save lives, but when there is a situation—regardless of how old the person is!!!—where the patient has no chance of survival, the next of kin is given the option to continue or not continue with life-saving efforts. That is how things work.

It's almost as if there is some kind of connection between passing a law this stupid and having the worst reading comprehension skills in the nation.

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Well, lordy Jesus, that was 10 minutes of our life we're never going to get back.

A few minutes ago, all the reporters on Twitter started saying, "Um, we are getting called to the Rose Garden and we don't know why." Democrats were supposed to be meeting with Trump about Infrastructure Week, but instead, this was happening:

Hooray! There was a sign in the Rose Garden! It said how big the Mueller Investigation was! And most importantly the Mueller Investigation said NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, PREZNIT TRUMP GOOD, NOT A RUSSIAN.

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