Michelle Obama is worse than Cindy McCain times Sarah Palin divided by Imelda Marcos times one million. Her election-night earrings cost a reported $11,000 -- approximately twice what a healthy human kidney will fetch on the black market! This is a relevant metric because next year we will all be selling our kidneys to make rent, until we burn down our rental dwellings for firewood. Meanwhile, the Obamas will be sitting in the White House feasting on precious gems and fillets of endangered species. [New York Magazine/British Vogue]